KEEPING HEALTHY BONDS ACROSS GENERATIONS
I didn't grow up surrounded by relatives, we visited each other occasionally, mostly for Christmas. We celebrate special occasions, like weddings, child dedication and many others. We also share a strong bond. My relationship with my extended family is great, regardless of the fact we rarely see them and I stay far from them. Growing up, my siblings and I were always eager to see my extended relatives every Christmas. We meet in the village and celebrate every moment. The memories of being with my cousins are always beautiful.
Conflict and disagreement still happen regardless. It's almost inevitable to avoid disagreement, and this is always coming between parents, but because they are family, they always find a way to reconcile and not pass on their conflicts to different generations.
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I can't relate to family issues passing from generation to another, but that explains why most children grow up without communicating with their relatives. They grow up not knowing their aunts, uncles, cousins, and the pattern keeps going as their children become parents too.
Initially, I thought it was impossible not to have relationships with extended relations until I met a friend who didn't even know her grandma because of a conflict. It's funny how an entire family just become strangers to each other.
Personally, I admire it when children grow up and can communicate with extended family, and it gets really beautiful when they all have good intentions for the kids. It's a good thing to have an aunt or uncle to call and be in a healthy and safe relationship with cousins. They can call and share things in love and understanding, grow up with their cousins and expect to see them on holidays. Relatives who will grow and celebrate their success and create a good sense of belonging around them.
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I understand that being family/ related by blood, doesn't automatically make the relationship family members share healthy or even safe, sometimes it's very necessary to stay away from toxic people, even when they are our siblings. Some relatives really like conflict, they disrespect others, and possess unhealthy behaviors, and a reason like this is enough to separate your kids from them, which is something that I can do too. It's really inconveniencing to keep a toxic family member around because we are relatives or share the same blood.
I believe the goal should be keeping a relationship amongst relatives only when it feels safe and healthy for them.
I didn't grow up disconnected with my extended family and I wouldn't want that for my kids, especially when there's no threat. The only reason I would distance my kids from any relative is if it ever gets toxic and dangerous around such a relative.
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Already, there are many factors that separate relatives, like work, relocation, responsibilities and life itself, and if we aren't making efforts enough to keep the relationship going, we end up separating ourselves slowly from each other, until we become strangers.
In conclusion, I understand that not every relative deserves to be our best friends. People aren't perfect and have their flaws, but when they're healthy, full of love, respect and care. Being connected with relatives could give some children a relationship that's priceless. Parents should make effective efforts to allow their kids to relate with relatives, especially when such relationships are healthy and safe.