When Calm Meets It's Limits.

For me, I don’t get angry easily, Like, it actually takes a while before you will see me get properly angry, I am not the type that just reacts immediately to everything, most times, I try to understand the situation first or just let things slide, I think one thing about me is that I always try to control myself whenever someone wrongs , not like it doesn’t pain me o, it does..... But then instead of reacting instantly, I will just keep quiet or try to process it in my head, sometimes I will even try to look at it from the other person’s side, like maybe they did not mean it that way, so yeah, getting angry is kind of like a once in a while thing for me, It is not something that happens all the time, I am more of a calm person naturally, and I prefer to keep my peace rather than allow small things to get to me.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t get angry at all, Because when I finally get angry ehn… that one is different, it is not even loud anger most times, but it’s deep,like you will just know that okay, this one is serious, it usually gets to that point when I have been holding things in for a while or when something really crosses the line, and to be honest, I don’t even like that version of myself, It is like my whole mood changes , the way I think, the way I react, everything just feels off, I am not as calm or as understanding as I usually am, and I don't like that feeling at all.
That’s why I always try to avoid getting to that point in the first place.

Another thing is that when I am angry, it is not that easy for me to just switch back immediately, It actually takes time, sometimes I just need to be on my own, calm down, think about everything, and just allow the feeling pass, and honestly, it takes the grace of God for me to get back to normal sometimes, Because even after the anger has reduced, I might still be thinking about what happened, especially if it is something that really affected me, I am the type that reflects a lot, so I don’t just forget things instantly.

One thing I have also noticed is that I regret getting angry. This is not always because of what I did. It was more about how I felt then, really. I don't enjoy that feeling. It's a weight, and not a pleasant one.
It does not feel like me all. I prefer being calm and thinking clearly. I like being at peace with myself. So when I get angry after everything settles down I think about it. I ask myself questions like was it worth getting angry? Could I have handled it better? Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes the answer is no.

At the end of the day I am still learning. I am learning to express my feelings before they build up much. I am learning not to keep everything until it becomes a big problem. I am also learning that it is okay to feel angry. However it is important to know how to handle anger. So yeah, I am not someone who gets angry easily. It takes time for me to get angry.. When I do get angry it is not something I enjoy. I always try my best to go to being my normal calm self. Because at the end of the day having peace of mind is always more important to me. I want to have peace of mind. Anger is not something I want to feel. I want to feel calm and at peace, with myself.

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