The Silent Pressure Of Wanting More.

I feel like I put a lot of pressure on myself especially when I think about how my life is supposed to be at a certain time, I feel that my life is supposed to be better now, and I always have this picture in my head of where I should be and what I should have achieved by now, even when nobody else is saying anything I am already telling myself "you should be doing better than this."

Seriously it's not coming from a bad place, I just want more for my life, like I want to be stable, I want to be comfortable, I want to be in a position where I do not have to stress too much about things, so because of that I am always thinking ahead , always planning and always trying to make sure I am not wasting my time.. sometimes that same mindset become pressure on me.

There are moments where I feel like I am behind, even when I am actually trying my best with my life, I would see how things are going with my life or compare where I am to where I thought I would be by now with my life , it just feels like I should be doing more with my life.. That alone can be very tiring because it is like I am not even giving myself space to breathe and think about my life.

Now when things do not go as planned as I want, I get frustrated sometimes I start overthinking, like "what did I do wrong with my life?". Why is this not working out for me?" there are times I feel discouraged like all the effort I put in did not really give me the result I expected for my life.

But one thing I have noticed about myself is that even when I feel like that I do not stay there for too long, I might feel bad I might even complain a bit but deep down I know I have to move forward with my life, life does not really pause because something did not go as planned, I just try to adjust and keep going even if it is not at the pace I wanted.

Now coming to the question of if I am too hard on myself, hmm i think the answer is yes , sometimes I am too hard on myself, because if I am being honest here, I do not always give myself credit for the little progress I have made, I am so focused on the picture of life, future, that I forget that even the small steps I am taking actually matter.

There are times I expect much from myself like I am supposed to have everything figured out already for my life forgetting that my life is not that straightforward, everybody is moving at their pace but somehow I still pressure myself to move faster than I should.

Lately I am trying to change that mindset a bit, so i am learning that it is okay if things do not happen exactly when I want them to for my life, i am learning to be a little more patient with myself and to understand that growth is not always fast or perfect.

At the end of the day I still have my expectations for my life I still want more for myself, I am still working towards it, I am also trying not to let that turn into something that constantly stresses me out, because the truth is, life is already hard as it is , I do not need to be the one making it even harder for myself.

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