Choosing Myself Without Feeling Guilty.

Good morning and Happy Monday to you all, this prompt from Hive learners this edition is something that I can relate to , Now talking about this family and personal growth matter, you know that feeling when you want to move forward or do something new with your life, but your family just keeps telling you to stay put, all in the name of care and love, yeah, that is kind of where I am right now.

There are things I really want to do , I have been planning and preparing for them for a while, like I actually moved my things months ago because I wanted a fresh start, to position myself where I can get better opportunities, but then, I came back home first week of august to get some things ready for the kids resumption and to be with them for the long holiday, as I don't want them to feel tooo apart from me and since I came it has been one long talk after another.

Everyone keeps telling me not to go back, they say things like, why do you want to leave again? You can do whatever you want to do here, Or, Just send someone to waybill your things back home, there is no need to stress yourself and me I just sit there thinking, una no understand me at all.

The truth is , being at home makes me feel stuck, and I can’t even think straight when I am here, It is like my mind gets clouded and my motivation just somehow disappears, I don’t feel that drive to chase anything serious, everything just feels slow here for me and honestly, it is actually draining, I have noticed that whenever I am away, my mind becomes clearer, my plans start making sense, and I actually get things done, I can save and all that, but being here? It is like I am in some kind of bondage.

See don’t get me wrong , it is not like my family means any harm or something , I know they are just looking out for me, but sometimes love can hold you down without realizing it, they believe I can get all the things I am looking for here at home, better opportunities, money, school, and all that, but somehow deep down, I know it is not the same at all, there are places where growth just comes easier because you are surrounded by the right kind of energy, and that is the kind of place I want to be.

At first, I used to explain myself like I would try to make them see reasons, to understand why I need to move, but it just felt like I was talking to a wall,every time I explained, they found a new reason why I shouldn’t go, So one day, I just stopped, like I stopped talking about my plans, I stopped explaining anything, I decided to keep my moves to myself, Sometimes, silence is the best response, especially when people cannot see what you are trying to build for yourself.

So right now, i am at that stage where I just want peace of mind and progress, because I don’t even want to argue or prove points anymore, I have realized that you don’t always have to make everyone understand your path, sometimes you just move quietly and let your growth speak later for you.

Yes it is a tough decision, not gonna lie, because family is family , you don’t want to feel like you are leaving them behind, but at the same time, staying in a place where you are stuck mentally and emotionally isn’t any kind of love either, I have learned that choosing yourself doesn’t mean you love them any less , it just means you have chosen to keep growing.

So yeah, I might still be at home physically right now, but mentally, I’m already preparing to leave again, because see no matter what anyone says, I know what I want and where I am going, I just want to move to that place of progress , where I can think clearly, learn better, and build the kind of life I have always imagined and want for my self and my kids.

So see sometimes you don’t even need any approval, you just need the courage and I think I have finally found mine.

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