The Secret Isn't Punishment or Reward—It's Balance

Motherhood is a journey that keeps teaching me new things here and there, and one thing is clear: there is no manual anywhere for raising these kids. My three kids are from Same womb, yet what works for my first doesn't always works for my second or third.

I know there are days when I question myself on which method to use so I can achieve a good result. Should I be stricter or simply praise them for doing nice things and even reward the effort...it's just complicated sometimes, I must confess.

So seeing this prompt with the question, "Punishment or Reward: Which Really Works?" I had the picture of all the happenings in my home playing in my head, lol. When I was growing up, the only method of correction I received from my parents was punishment. Once I misbehave, I already know what is coming to me. At a point, it became just okay for my siblings and me, but now that I am a parent, I have come to realize that every child handles correction differently.

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I know this because each correction I apply to my kids, either by discipline or other forms, I watch their reactions and the result I will get the next time.

One thing I have strived to abstain from even though I received it a lot during my childhood days is name-calling my kids while disciplining them because words stay in their hearts far more than we can think of or imagine. It's better to correct bad behavior without attacking the personality of a child no matter how angry you can be..

That being said, my kids are not exempted from punishment. They serve it as it comes; it could be deprivation from TV shows, football games, or other indoor games at home, which I know they enjoy very well, all to let them know that every bad action has consequences.

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But then, I discovered something not long ago, like since last year, something that gives me a better result more than punishment, and that's recognizing their nice behaviors and their good effort. I made sure not to overlook every kind gesture they carried out, especially the one I didn't send them to do but they simply did on their own. I made sure to notice all of that, and yeah, I could see the big smile on their faces.

From all indications, kids love being appreciated; it might not be giving them, let's say, a cash reward, but the lovely appreciation and kind words make them repeat that kind gesture the next time. At least it's happening in my home, and I was like, "This is magic.

That being said, a reward shouldn't be a bribe. You know, there is a difference between appreciating a child for what he did nicely and saying, "If you do this, I will buy you this. If you start buying gifts for every good behavior, you will get tired, and the kids will misinterpret it and will start asking for rewards even before doing things. Again, punishments shouldn't be when we are raging; otherwise, we go so extreme with it.

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Overall, finding balance between punishment and reward seems to be the best. Reward them whenever they act nicely so they keep repeating it and correct bad acts so they know that there is something called a boundary. Neither punishment nor reward should be replaced; the two combos should be used just at the right time. At the end of the day, the goal is to nurture responsible kids with good character.

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