I Survived The Illness, But The Fear, Trauma And Memories Never Completely Left Me.

Huhm, this is so deep, at least for me, it is. More like a very personal topic, but I will try my best to not sound too emotional and all.

So, before I had the health issue I had some few years back, all my thought was always that PTSD/trauma is something people have or develop after they've went through or experienced a war, some sort of violence, accidents and the likes. I never knew or understood that it goes beyond just those.

So, talking of the illness I had then, it was a very challenging one. One that I can say even I don't believe I will survive. Had to experience and undergo about seven surgeries, not talk of the various medications, injections, tests, blood samples, money issues, the thought of being a burden, fear and all. It was indeed a trying time for me and my family. And even when I got better and was discharged, my mind refuses to be better and heal up. And in all honesty, I still panic till today, especially when I feel some sort of pain, or perceive a kind of smell and all, those little things often take my mind back in time to those times I was bedridden.

Sometimes last year, I remembery brother asking me a question, it was a simple question, but to me, it's big. He asked, "how are you? Are you good now, no pains... You good?" You see that "how are you," he asked enh, you will think he asked more than that, because the way that question hits me, huhm.. it is well.

And its been a while anyone asked me such a question regarding my health, most people believe since I'm out of the hospital and living my life then everything has returned to the way it is. But Yoruba do say something, that is, "Oji apa, ko le jo oju ara." Meaning, "an injury site cannot look or be like a normal body site." Which is true.

So, talking of trauma, it is something I still experience. Sometimes I just remember certain things and begin to feel somehow, other times I'm just scared for no reason at all, at times I just start to think and think and think. Sometimes I even blame myself and feel guilty when I remember what my parents and siblings have to go through just for me to remain alive.

All thanks to God though, there's a lot of difference now, not as if its totally gone cause I won't want to come here and lie. But is has reduced greatly, and I'm thankful for the support from my parents and siblings, I'm thankful for those who always listen to me and allow me let it all out. It has helped me a lot.

And even though I couldn't do certain things, I'm grateful for the little I can do, also the little I'm doing to help others as well has raised my hope that my life still has meaning and that I'm definitely here/still alive for a reason.

PTSD/Trauma is real, and its something a lot of us are going through silently. Just that each person's own is born out of different situations and happenings. A lot of people you see looking all good and fine are struggling mentally and emotionally, so let's be more kinder to people. Support, prayers, kindness, a smile, patience and such are what helps them to heal.

So, here as I conclude, I will love to put it to you too...
How are you?

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Images are mine.

Thanks a lot for taking your time to read through, kindly do well to stop by my blog @marsdave for more exclusive and amazing content.

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