WHO IS THE MOTHER

When it comes to the topic of surrogacy one of the issues raised is who is the mother of the child. There is the birth mother also known as the surrogate mother, and there is the child’s mother or the woman whose eggs were used in the process. This whole process requires a lot of paperwork, understanding agreement and settlement. When all these criteria are met there is still the probability of the surrogate mother always finding a loophole to explore. This usually stems from an emotional response from the surrogate mother to the child. It’s like a bond they have grown accustomed with for the period of pregnancy and such bond might not be easily broken. The truth is the owner of the egg may never develop such a bond with the child and thus would not understand it. I have even heard of cases where the child falls sick whenever the surrogate mother is absent and thus only her presence can really help the child. But then again, this triggers an emotional response in the real mother who feels threatened especially if the reason for the surrogacy is because she is incapable of birthing her own child.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

The truth still remains that the child has two living breathing mothers, one whose blood they carry and another who birth them with the latter usually having a stronger hold on the child. At this point if the real mother decides that the agreement should not involve the surrogate mother to be in the life of the child it is well within her rights, after all she is paying for the services of the surrogate and usually people agree to be surrogate mothers because of money. But then again in the entire process of conception and birth, things happen that could change the variables of agreement and this is why I feel that the real mother should be first made to understand this and keep an open mind just in case things do not go as planned. This is where counseling comes in for the couples and the surrogate mother even before the whole implantation process starts. It will help both understand the gravity of the situation and help tackle a lot of future problems.

If I should have an opinion on this matter, I would so much love to say that a woman who has not given birth should not be allowed to be a surrogate. This is because the issues I mentioned earlier come when the mother sees the child as her first fruit and might share a deeper bond than what is naturally expected of her. But a woman who already has children will be able to handle it better loving the child as her own while owning up to the fact that the child isn’t hers. When this is done, she can easily leave the child, collect her money and focus on her own family. I also believe she should not totally stay out of reach, just for the child’s sake, however, counseling and therapy is very vital.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S
PROMPT FOR WEEK 194 EPISODE 3