NATURE OF MAN

When it comes to feelings and humans, it’s safe to say that it is a complicated topic. A failed relationship led to me knowing how to treat a woman better not just in a relationship, but also generally. Another failed relationship made me understand certain things about family and how to be a better man for my family. But then it was also a failed relationship that nearly crippled my current relationship. When you love too much, you open yourself up to get hurt, and from experience I know that when the hurt does come, it hits you in ways that you will never even imagine. Recently I had a little argument with my partner, and when I sat down to reflect on both our actions, I realized I was acting mainly from a place of trauma, it was like a survival instinct for me, and my actions and reactions weren’t really based on the things my partner did, but rather the things I have experienced in the past.

Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

When it comes to the issue of emotional trauma, I have come to understand that it’s not really something we have full control over, it’s almost like our default setting because it was a survival instinct at one time, and even when you are out of the main problem, you discover you have created a habit. Now even when the problem is gone, the habit stays and just like any habit, when it senses something that looks like the problem, it awakens in you and before you realize someone else is paying for the heartache cost by another person. For example, I learned the habit of looking without listening when my family continually undermines my sacrifices towards them. At a time it was as though they were entitled to anything I had and I needed a way to withdraw. So anytime they were talking about something I wasn’t ready to listen to, I heard without listening… It’s something professionally called passive listening.

Later in life, I met a lady who loves to tell me everything going on with her, and I never even realized I had developed such a habit until she started complaining that I never take her seriously. That was when I understood I was acting based on the habit (trauma) from the past. This is the same for anyone who has had a bad experience in the past, they aren’t bad people, they are just survivors in need of time to get accustomed to what normal looks like. Moreso, what such a person needs is all the love and support they can get. As long as they are ready to heal, I believe they should be given the chance to, it might take time, but with the right attitude to work , they will successfully heal. And for those in that situation, the best thing is to always reflect on your actions continually and choose to be better than your past understanding the former experience does not define today.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S
PROMPT FOR WEEK 185 EPISODE 1