FINDING A CHANCE

The last time I decided to do something for myself, I felt so guilty about it. I think it was last year, I don’t know who even gave me the motivation to do it, but I went out to get myself shawarma a couple of drinks and planned on going shopping the next day. After I got the shawarma, and ate it I felt I had failed my babe and my sister, the guilt was so much that I ended up getting for the two of them. Although I had already sent some money home that month it felt like I was busy eating shawarma without caring if my parents and siblings had even eaten, so I ended up sending more money home. I guess from this point you already know I never went shopping again. I know I really need to change my wardrobe, but I have been postponing it since October last year because I had bills to meet up with. Shopping is one selfish thing I still hope to do for myself this year. I hope I get to do it this coming week if nothing comes up because that is how it has always been.

Photo by Ivan Prokhorov on Unsplash

I decided to look through my past months budgets and one thing that had always been consistent that I have also been continually postponing has been my shopping. I have only had one good shopping experience since I started fending for myself in 2018, and I think it’s about time I get to do it. But men’s things are really expensive. That is why I was really touched when my partner decided to do a little for me as a Valentine's surprise. I know they would have cost her a lot but she did it anyway. This is why I want this shopping experience to be really worth it. The budget is quite high, I would be breaking my all time expenses record doing this shopping. I guess it's just the headache that comes with having responsibilities. It’s now I understand why my dad bought things for everyone else apart from himself.

One of the times I was very tempted to ignore everyone else and just be selfish for once, then my partner got sick, another time, my sister got sick, another time my mum needed money urgently so yeah I guess there was always something and that is why I am seriously praying that nothing comes up and everyone becomes fine this month so I can do what is in my mind. I love them no doubt, but I must admit I really want to do this, it’s been a long time coming, I have been looking forward to it and I just pray everything falls in place this time around. However I still prepare myself for unforeseen circumstances, if anything at all, I am always happy that I can be there for my family when they are in need, and I want to keep doing so. I won’t selfishly trade their happiness for new clothes even though I still really want it.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S
PROMPT FOR WEEK 206 EPISODE 3