AVOIDING ISSUES

I do not like issues, and I do not like to have issues with anyone. Growing up mischievously, I was almost never caught whenever I broke the rules because of how careful I was. Later on in life, I changed and I became even more careful with offending people and getting offended. One of the things I hate the most is having to allow someone to offend me, I will instead start avoiding them to save myself the energy of getting angry. I did it to my dad for two years without his notice (I guess he was just too angry to care). I hated the way he was treating my mother and when I saw my mother wouldn’t leave I decided to leave and only care for her by providing her with whatever would make her comfortable. I stayed far away from my dad so I did not have to hate him and for all the time I was away, I tried everyday to forgive him until I finally did. It wasn’t easy then, but I managed to and it made me free. This is one of the many reasons I do not give people access to my heart and what makes people say I’m reserved.

The time I was truly reserved was after my first heartbreak. It took me five years to completely heal from it and to be honest at a point it was clear that I wasn’t ready to heal and because of that I avoided a lot of people and one of them is my current partner. I met her as a friend while I was still in that relationship but after the relationship ended a few months after, I decided to stay away from everyone around. For 1 year straight she was always coming close while I was always trying to drift, I guess at a point she noticed and stopped. She got into a relationship and ended it after a year I think, started talking with me again and I continued drifting. This time I decided to be more spiritual and the funny thing was that she followed me like that. After about a year again she was in a brief relationship and after it ended I stopped hearing from her. I guess she was tired of trying hehe…

It wasn’t as though she pursued me or anything, but I saw all the signs and chose to ignore them. Three years after I decided to message her and this was 1 year after I had decided to move on. At that point I was in a period of reflection and trying to amend things with all those I wasn’t really kind to when I messaged her and that was how we started talking again. We became closer after two years of her watching me enter another relationship and suffer a devastating heartbreak. Well I can say she was always there and I always knew and one day I decided to finally talk sense into myself. Truth was I liked her, always had, but I was never ready when she was around and when she wasn’t there was someone else. Okay those are just excuses, and all I can say is that I stopped messing up.

PICTURE CREDIT IS MINE

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S
PROMPT FOR WEEK 184 EPISODE 1