Parenting With Balance

Parenting is not an easy feat. Parenting requires patience, dedication, commitment, and a whole lot of other resources. The most important people in a child’s life are the parents. Hence, they must be there to show their kids the ropes, by teaching them the proper values and the vices to abstain from. When a child is born, their first friends are the parents, particularly the mother. This is the period when they watch, learn, and imitate what others do. Recently, I watched a video online where a little kid who just started talking was saying the F word and some other inappropriate words. Definitely, the child picked it up from their parents. It is important that you show good things on the outside so your kids can emulate them. More importantly, parenting can be tricky, every parent wishes to be as active as possible in their children’s life. This can make them become overprotective.

When it comes to parenting, as much as you want to be there for your kids and shower them with love, support, and protection, you must know where to draw the line and find balance. Emphasis is on balance- I am not of the opinion that parents should leave their kids to navigate life on their own when they get to a certain age. My point is that everything must be just right; the right amount of support and the right amount of space. This is exactly why I mentioned that parenting is complex and difficult. For this edition of Hive Learners prompts, we are asked to discuss parenting. How do we find balance? How can we be good parents without being overprotective? How can we parents give children the adequate space they need and yet be there for them when the need arises?

Growing up, I missed out on many experiences because my parents, especially my mom, were overly protective. During my high school days, my classmates often went on interstate excursions and outdoor activities within the state. I remember when they visited the Erinjesha waterfall, one of the most popular waterfalls in the western part of Nigeria. I had heard many stories about that place and had always wanted to go. When the opportunity arose, I was super excited. However, when I told my mom about it, she flatly refused. Her reason was, 'Anything can happen on these types of excursions.' I was among the few students in the class who didn't go on the excursion. While the others didn't go because their parents couldn't afford the fee, I didn't go because my mom was overly protective, fearing something might happen.
Well, nothing did. My classmates returned and shared stories of how much they enjoyed their trip. I sat down, listening to their tales and allowing my mind to imagine things.

When I got to high school, I thought I had grown much older and that my parents would allow me to go on excursions. This time, my classmates visited the Cocoa House in Ibadan. It was the tallest building in Nigeria from 1965 to 1979- the first skyscraper in Nigeria. Again, I told my parents about the excursion and they refused. This time, I accepted reality and decided not to waste my time telling them again since I already knew their answer. Throughout elementary and high school, I missed out on many things because my parents were scared and became too overprotective.

I understand that parents want to protect their kids from the outside world, but they should know when and where to draw the line. There will come a time when they’ll spread their wings and start their own journey. Before that day comes, parents should prepare their kids for the challenges of life. They should be allowed to do things on their own, make mistakes, and learn from them. The first step to achieving balance is to make them learn from you. As I mentioned above, when children are young, their eyes and ears are sharp. They emulate whatever their parents do and say. For example, a couple who fights physically every morning in the presence of their kids, use and lambast themselves with insulting words. There's a very high tendency that the kids would start to do the same with their peers.

Another important thing to consider is to allow them to explore and do things on their own. This way, you're preparing them for the future.

Thanks for reading.