Acting Brave Before It Feels Real

Someone once told me that I need to always look my best and to always be confident, even at times when I don't have everything it takes to be confident, and what this person told me back then has helped me a great deal in some aspects of my life today because I could recall some time ago, I was still in school, and someone recommended to a person about a building plan and the supervision. At first, I wanted to say I can't handle it, but I summoned the courage and accepted the project even though I didn't have much knowledge then.
It felt so strange then that someone trusted me and recommended me, and it will be a big disappointment to say no that I cannot handle the project because some opportunities only come once, and when it is gone, believe me, it can never be seen again. Anyways, I handled the work with a lot of research and help from those above me and it was a success.

At first, I always believed that being confident used to be a thing that some people were born with because I see how some people speak so well in gatherings and how some are not afraid to stand up to what they don't want, like they have been doing it from birth, and I always wonder how this person is doing it, not knowing that they also developed it over time.
But in my case, things were a bit different. When I got the recommendation I talked about. It kept bothering me because it was new, which made me overthink different things. Even to come up with a rough build sketch, it looks like I have not done it before. I did a lot of research work and findings about the design I was given. Plenty of rough sketches that I did over and over again.

One late evening like that, I almost gave up and was about to call the person that I will not be able to handle the project for now because I was like, It is better to say I don't know it than to give a building plan that will not work out. But at the same time, something still feels right in me that I can do it.
I remember before I gained admission how I learned tailoring some years ago because I love anything related to fashion. I thought it was easy, but the first outfit I made was a big mess. But you know what? I didn't because of that stopped going until I got perfect and was able to handle some clothes. I didn't give up not because I was confident but because I wanted to get better at it. And this also stayed with me so long even though I didn't show it on the outside.

Then I told myself maybe me being confident is not what comes before action. Possibly at times for me, it starts to show up as I am doing the work. After doing it over and over again. And right away that evening, I started getting the designs right little by little, even though I kept asking questions of those who knew better. Though I still made mistakes along the way, I kept correcting them until everything made perfect sense and I was able to submit the project for approval before the building began. And now the way I see myself being confident is different from others. Mine is not always loud, at times I have to wait for it and at times, it is already waiting for me.

Thank you for reading.

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