EN-PT The loss I took when making a promise
Life teaches us many things if we are willing to learn. If we pay attention to the signs, we can learn from our mistakes and successes, constantly improving. I’ve been trying to observe the things happening around me, always looking for this evolution whenever possible—which I believe should be natural, something everyone seeks—but we know society doesn’t work that way.
One interesting point I see happening is with parents raising their children. Many complain that their kids don’t behave as expected, throw tantrums, disobey commands, and get into all sorts of mischief. Some parents try to control these situations with harsh words or vague promises, which often end up being just empty words thrown into the wind.
Representation of parenting | Leonardo.ai
These are promises of restrictions that will never be enforced, punishments that will never happen.
Some parents have no intention of following through
on what they tell their children.
I find this terrible, because it teaches children that words have no value. And I work in the opposite direction!
I believe we should not promise
what we cannot fulfill.
That’s because I understand that words are commitments just like promises. So when I’m raising my kids, I try to stay true to what I really intend to do. In this way, I’m straightforward in telling them:
- If they don’t do their schoolwork on time, they can’t use electronics (TV, cellphone, laptop)
- Good behavior at school is non-negotiable—it's a must
- If they help at home with the tasks assigned to them, they will receive an allowance based on what they completed
These small things are consistently followed through. Of course, I gave some practical examples, but it’s clear that I don’t use threats I don’t intend to carry out, like we often hear in other families. One thing I hear a lot is “if you do that, you’ll get spanked,” and the child keeps doing it and nothing happens. That undermines the parents’ authority. Not that I support physical punishments, I’m criticizing the act of saying one thing and doing another—or doing nothing at all.
I’m very mindful of what I say to my children.
I remember once I was naive to think I could improve my eldest daughter’s grades by promising her that for each perfect score at school, I’d give her 10 BRL at the end of the year. This backfired in an interesting way because she completely embraced the idea and worked very hard to get top marks. At the end of the year, she had 38 perfect scores. That was a significant expense for me, but I had to follow through with what I had promised.
In the end, she used part of the money to buy a dance game for the PlayStation, a book, and saved the rest. I was very happy with these choices—after all, she could have spent it all on silly things with no real value, but instead, she saved most of it.
Representation of when I made a deal with my daughter | Leonardo.ai
That experience made it very clear to my daughter that I keep my promises—even when they hurt, like that financial loss. So there’s no room to deceive each other, which greatly strengthened our communication and connection.
I want to advise parents who use lies to threaten their children to rethink their approach and consider only saying and promising what they truly intend to fulfill. The upcoming generation will thank you!
A vida ensina muitas coisas se estivermos dispostos a aprender. Se estivermos atentos aos sinais podemos aprender com nossos erros e acertos, melhorando sempre mais. Eu tenho tentando observar as coisas que acontecem ao meu redor, sempre que possível buscando essa evolução, que eu acho que deveria ser natural, uma coisa procurada por todos, mas sabemos que a sociedade não é bem assim.
Um ponto interessante eu vejo acontecer com pais educando seus filhos. Muitos reclamam que as crianças não tem o comportamento desejado, fazem birra, não obedecem aos comandos dos pais, e também fazem muitas travessuras. Alguns pais tentam controlar as situações envolvendo seus filhos fazendo falas duras, promessas nebulosas, sendo que muitas vezes são apenas palavras jogadas ao vento.
Representação da educação dos filhos | Leonardo.ai
São promessas de restrições que nunca serão aplicadas, de castigos que nunca serão executados.
Alguns pais não tem intenção de realizar
aquilo que dizem a seus filhos.
Eu acho isso péssimo, pois ensina para as crianças que palavras não tem valor. E eu trabalho na direção contrária!
Acredito que não devemos prometer
o que não podemos cumprir.
Isso porque eu entendo que palavras são compromissos tanto quanto promessas. Então quando estou educando minhas crianças eu procuro me manter fiel ao que realmente pretendo fazer. Dessa forma, eu sou simples em dizer a elas que:
- Se não fizerem as tarefas da escola no tempo certo, não poderão usar eletrônicos (TV, celular, laptop)
- O bom comportamento na escola não é negociável, é uma obrigação
- Se ajudarem em casa com tarefas que foram designadas receberão mesada correspondente ao que foi executado
Essas pequenas coisas são cumpridas fielmente. É claro que trouxe alguns exemplos práticos, mas fica evidente que não uso de ameaças que não pretendo cumprir, como muitas vezes ouvimos em outras famílias da sociedade. Uma coisa que escuto muito é que "se você fizer isso, vai apanhar", sendo que a criança continua fazendo e nada acontece. Isso tira a autoridade dos pais. Não que eu apoie reforços negativos físicos em desfavor das crianças, eu estou criticando o exemplo de falar uma coisa e fazer outra. Ou não fazer o que foi falado.
Eu me preocupo muito com o que digo aos meus filhos.
Lembro que certa vez eu fui ingênuo em pensar que poderia melhorar as notas da escola da minha filha mais velha, prometendo a ela que a cada nota máxima nas avaliações da escola, eu lhe daria 10 BRL no final do ano. Isso me gerou um problema bem interessante porque ela simplesmente abraçou a ideia e se dedicou muito para atingir as melhores notas nas avaliações. No final do ano, ela juntou 38 avaliações com nota 10. Isso me rendeu um prejuízo bem grande, e precisei cumprir com o que havia prometido.
No fim das contas ela investiu parte do valor para compra um jogo de dança do playstation, um livro e guardou o restante. Eu fiquei muito satisfeito com essas escolhas afinal ela poderia ter escolhido algumas bobeiras que não teriam valor algum, mas para isso ela reservou a menor parte.
Representação de quando fiz um acordo com minha filha | Leonardo.ai
Dessa oportunidade ficou bem claro para minha filha que eu cumpro minhas promessas, por mais que sejam dolorosas, como foi esse prejuízo financeiro. Então não há espaço para enganar um ao outro, o que reforçou bastante nossa comunicação e entrosamento.
Eu desejo aconselhar os pais que tem usado o artifício da mentira para ameaçar os filhos para que repensem suas atitudes e considerem falar e prometer apenas o que pretendem de fato cumprir. A geração que está surgindo agradece!
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Your wrting is very insightful, i have actually not thought about this topic deeply before and i love your approach and understanding to making and keeping promises. I have learnt a lot and i appreciate you.
Thanks!
Thank you for your kind words, they are very valuable! Sometimes some prompts from the Hive Learners community are inspiring! It is very satisfying to find something that you did right (at least that is what it seems like!). The life of a parent of young children is a constant challenge!
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I love your perspective about this prompt and it's true that parents make a lot of promises they can't fulfill. The effects of those unfulfilled promises on kids is negative so we should do better as parents.
I imagine that empty promises are the cause of a lot of disappointment in children. It is very satisfying to find out that you did something right (or so it seems!). The life of a parent of young children is a constant challenge!
!BBH
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I agree. There's no use of saying words and rendering it meaningless. Don't promise or threaten what you cannot fulfill. I am sure you are seeing the results of good parenting in your child.
I really am and it's very satisfying to find something you did right (at least it seems that way!). The life of a parent of young children is a constant challenge!
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😅😅Kids
I understand that once our parents promise to get us something based on our hardwork
Kids have a way of making sure they get those things done because they believe their parent and once the parent start breaking this promises, they won’t want to believe in them again
It's very satisfying to find something you did right (at least it seems that way!). The life of a parent of young children is a constant challenge!
!BBH
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