Are You Giving Too Much?

_{Karolina Grabowska}

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I know that there is a thin line between being generous, and being too generous. One is good and one is bad. When you are generous, most of the things you give are because you want to give them. But when you are too generous, you give even things you do not want to give, things that are very important to you. But you find that you can’t help but give them.

So now, where is the line? It can be a bit difficult to find it. Because these things vary from person to person, what is the minimum for one individual might turn out to be the maximum for someone else. And as such, might end up evoking different forms of responses.

I’m going to tell you a very short story.

I was out on the street the other day, just trying to get the fresh air. And I saw two young brothers playing. Not sure about their ages, but they looked like five and three to me. They were not playing together. The elder one was playing his football against the wall and just keeping himself busy while the other one was playing with sand and stones beside the mother.

Now, it was evening, and as you know, prime time for gist among friends. And that was what the mother was doing. The three-year-old was stressing her, if she carried him he would cry, if she dropped him back on the ground, he would begin tugging at her skirt again. It was as if he wanted her to play with him, and she was not in the mood for that.

And then, she told him, “go and play with your brother.”

_{Yan Krukau}

And the three-year-old obeyed and went to join the older brother. But what he did was collect the ball from his brother and refused to give it back. He carried the ball and ran away, when the elder brother tried to take it back he began to cry profusely. And the mother admonished the five-year-old, telling him to leave the ball for his baby brother.

The brother kept trying, but after his younger brother kept crying repeatedly, and his mother kept scolding him, he decided to find something else to entertain himself. It was one of these makeshift toy cars, made out of a sardine can with bottle tops for the tyres and a stick that pushed it. He was running up and down the street, ignoring his baby brother with the ball.

Unfortunately, the baby brother decided that he was bored with the ball and wanted to take the toy car. The big brother was having none of it. And so, the younger one started to cry…

You guessed it! The mother told the elder brother to give the toy car to his brother. The boy refused however and ran off to his father’s shop. The three-year-old couldn’t keep up and went crying to his mom who just carried him and continued with her gist.

Just another day in the life of a Nigerian mother.

_{PNW Productions}

That very short exchange struck me hard. Like, was the elder brother right to deny his brother the car? Was the baby brother right to demand the car even after taking the ball from him? And was the mother right to handle it the way she did?

Yeah, I know that they are kids, and as such a lot of behaviors would be accepted. But the truth is that if left unchecked, many of these behaviors will become habits to them when they grow up. I feel that as parents, we should teach our children the beauty of giving, but we should also caution them against giving too much. Because it will most likely lead to their downfall. Once people realize that you have no control when it comes to giving, you’ll be their bus stop for whenever they need something.

The elder brother needs to learn this, he needs to know that there are some things he can give but it will get to a certain point where he would give no longer. No matter who it is. Because he has to learn how to put himself first, and still try to be selfless at the same time. Trying to keep that balance can be a very difficult thing to achieve.

And as for the younger brother, he needs to learn contentment. He needs to know from an early age that not everything he asks for will be given to him. That is not how life works. You will want things, and you will find those very things go to others. You can’t go crying to your mummy every time that happens, you have to suck it up and move on.

_{Felix Adams}

And he has to learn how to be satisfied with the little that he has. He got the ball, and he could have been satisfied with it, but once he saw his brother having fun with the car he lost interest in the ball and wanted the car.

Now, I don’t know what goes on in the minds of children (even though I was once a child myself), I am just saying all these based on the deductions I arrived at merely from observing them. But I do know that when it comes to children, the behaviors we allow to fester will be the traits we allow to grow into adulthood. And anything we couldn’t change when they were children will require a miracle to change when they are adults.

So take charge now!

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_{Thank you for reading/listening. Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section below, I would love to know what you are thinking. Till we meet in the next post.}

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