People forget things so easily
I had this group of friends 13 years ago, and we were very close, and even though we were young, we understood the concept of loyalty to our friendship. However, I was probably the only one who understood how harsh reality can be, and had already trained my mind and expectations to align in this way.
One day one of our friends up and left for the US, we weren't just separated by distance and time, we were separated by timezone, different responsibilities and new realities.
I assumed that this person from the group that left would no longer contact us, and I was correct; for 13 years, they rarely responded to any of the messages that were sent to them.
This person is active on social media, but rarely responds to their messages (I did not text, but other friends did), but I knew they would not remember the previous friendship they had with us before they traveled, so I accepted it and moved on.
Others in the group were upset and wondered why one of us would travel to another country and not respond to messages; however, I was not surprised. It is been over 13 years and this person has not responded to our other friends' texts, which is a shame.
13 Years is nothing to a disloyal person
It's just time, nothing else
If you expect less from humanity, you will not be thrilled, entertained, or surprised. People have short memories, despite the fact that we are wired to store intense emotional experiences, whether good or bad.
People are wired to hold onto friendship or closeness values, and this is actually the bond that forms the memories we have, but inasmuch as this is how we should be by default, the extracurricular tendencies of life can make people disloyal, unfaithful, people can learn to silence the voice of their conscience and create a moral justification for why they have done so, and they use this as a coping or defense mechanism whenever they are confronted.
Defense Justification
For example, people use "being busy" to justify disloyalty. While the idea of being busy in life can quickly escalate and cause problems. Humans can actually use the reality of being busy to conceal their wickedness and deliberate disloyalty.
Some days ago, one of my aunts got in trouble for attempting to be kind to another person, and she unintentionally incurred some consequences for doing so.
Now this person could have remembered the years back when she accommodated them and their family into her house, fed and sheltered them as well as acted as a mother to them for close to 20 years.
They could have remembered everything, and some of the flashbacks might have meant something to them, but I guess not. The outcome of events shocked me, but it did not surprise me. If you rely on reciprocal loyalty, you may fail in life.
People, including those we consider to be "loved ones," can crack and fail you. There are no explanations for why people should repay loyalty with disloyalty or ungratefulness; it is simply human nature and the unpredictability of our attitudes and behaviors.
Somehow, I like to call or predict disloyalty, it might make me a negative person on the surface, but I tell you, there's nothing negative about predicting that someone is going to turn out for the worse, especially if the signs are there no matter that.
When you delve deeply into people's attitudinal tendencies, you will never be surprised, but it will feel like a new experience, as you are awed by the complexity of the human mind and what it is capable of.
Life's Merchant
There is a perplexing truth about how people can silence their conscience; I have seen it almost every time. There are people who choose to hold onto their values and words, and there are some whose words do not mean anything to them.
It is safe to say that people can have "merchant" tendencies to be "buyable" in both good and bad times.
Simple experiences of hardship or comfort can rewire people in unexpected ways, and while many people can control these tendencies, others simply give in and allow them to control them. You can never be wrong with basic attitudinal predictions, sometimes it saves you from the disappointment of expectations.
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I wished people could build this type of your mindset, you just don't expect much from humans and if they acted otherwise is not gonna change who are you. Imagine being close for 13 years and later we are not closed and you choose not to respond to my messages or call. That's too bad.
Is not easy to overlook such behaviour but one needs to continue living by letting go and embrace personal peace of mind & growth.
Indeed people forget things easily.
Thanks for sharing this amazing writing.
I'm learning man.
Yeah, it only proves that time is nothing when it comes to people. People don't care about memories, they can easily forget anything, especially when newer memories replaces the old ones. So I don't really count time, even though it feels emotional to lose a friendship of over 13 years.. I know that thing like this happen everyday and i just look at it like it's nothing.
Yeah you are right the ability to look it like it's nothing is what many of us lacked and I think I need to work on myself to accept reality and to let go of such individuals that decide to change suddenly. Though is not easy seriously.
I think this is why it's not a bad idea to consider the worst outcomes on human relationships and mentally/emotionally prepare for when/if it happens. Against the backdrop of living one's life in a complex reality, memories don't really hold much weight. They're like dreams that can be forgotten and never remembered again. I just try to manage expectations and not hold most relationships in a very high regard, we humans are fallible creatures with a chameleon like behaviour.
You've said it all; nothing but the truth. In reality I like to consider worst outcomes. I do this because humans, we're fallible, sometimes it's not 100% our fault, some people just find it difficult to discipline themselves. Some people easily give in to their excesses, rather than train their minds to choose loyalty over disloyalty. I see this from afar most times, and I already know. I wasn't like this in the past, but series of past painful experiences have made it so.
Sure, experience is the best teacher and when you recognize a pattern of behaviours, it's hard to ignore them when you see the process unfolding in front of you. I think people are definitely less responsible nowadays, make too many excuses just to avoid doing the hard but valuable stuffs to built something that's worthwhile and meaningful.
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Its a fact that people will always "CHANGE" no matter the good done, to me it start with very little things like ignoring whatsap or Facebook message read but no reply , I'm like what dies it take to just drop a message back ....
The psychology of human behavior is a very complex one, the more you try to understand it, the more confused you get
Ignoring Whatsapp messages and other stuffs might have its reasons, but I'm particular about people who are close for a very long time and then all the closeness disappears even after sharing so much for a very long time
Its really hard to decode that fact, even i most times want to look into their eyes and ask that, not for the sake of rebonding or anything I just need answers why a logically reasonable human being would all of a sudden change into some I can't relate with despite years of being together and sharing things .... in most cases we sacrifice a lot for them but the good we did was paid back with harsh reality from them ......
But for me I'm trying to out grow that by "MINDING-BUSINESS" whatever is gone stays in the past let me focus on me and in all I can be, if they choose other wise its their choice... I just wish them well and more of myself, that may we not meet again and I'm in a low state ... this i pray
Over the years I have lost track of many friends, usually busy schedules don't help. But often distances and growing apart if what is important to them may not be to you. I do think if you have close friends and can connect on social media easily you really should make the effort, when I was more active on there I did. I since have given up traditional social media not wanting all my personal info being sold to the highest bidder.
Plus when I stopped working due to a health issue, you then find out who your real friends are. Disloyalty shows it's face quickly there, I understand what's you're saying 100%.
The health issues hits hard and how you tend to lose friendship through them. I didn't even look at it from this angle, but that's certainly something that's happened with me. I was a heavy Facebook users in the past, but I've not done anything on it since 2 years. It's safe to say I'm no longer the social type.
I think we lose people when we are not as social as we use to be, and there are group of people who are in our lives just for the social aspects of it.
Hmmm, this content reveals a lot about some people's attitudinal behavior especially when it comes to change.
It's no lie that some people claim busy as a way of shielding themselves from communicating with friends and relatives.
This trend is more when they travel out of the country. I wouldn't fault them, it's tough out there or should I say - levels have changed. It's rather unfortunate.
It's tough, but some of these people are literally online 12 hours in a day and they'll hardly reply the test of people they claim are their friends. For me, I just see it as a normal change and it's almost predictable, so it doesn't really bother me. However I agree about levels changing. A lot of people are like that, they see a change in finance or location as "level changing"
I like that too! They say you are pessimistic, I just say prepared for the betrayal
One can trust in friendship but as soon as you get sting once you learn how it works... I had a friendship of 8 years, gone in a few days for substitution with other people from his side, and an other 14 years friend disappeared as soon as he got a girlfriend...
I can only take this post and sign 100% everywhere
I think the longer we have people, the more we think we cannot lose them, but this isn't true, and it's been proven from the experience in your narration. I've known people for 15 years and today they're just strangers. I don't see it again as cruel, and that's because I like to predict these things and the possibilities of them happening.
I'm sorry you lost those people, I think it's just life, and we'd generally go on to be fine.
Yeah, I was afraid since I didn't expect that, but I was young, after that I "opened" eyes
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It just happens. I think busy schedule is one thing, but you generally can make time for it with the internet as it is. Maybe you won't talk directly, but leaving a message would be enough.
Yeah, leaving a message is enough, but some people just prefer to say they're "busy" even though they know that they can easily make time..
@tipu curate
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