Ă lâaube brumeuse dâun jour de Grand Rangement, lorsque les feuilles tombent avec la prĂ©cision dâun discours de hibou sĂ©nateur, la canopĂ©e entiĂšre retint son souffle. Un Ă©vĂ©nement inimaginable, impensable, presque anti-glandique venait de secouer le Tronc Central : la Reine ChĂątaigne avait disparu.
Il ne sâagissait pas dâun petit retard diplomatique Ă une rĂ©union avec les taupes (ce qui, avouons-le, Ă©tait assez courant, les taupes ayant le sens du timing dâun caillou humide). Non. Ce matin-lĂ , la salle du TrĂŽne de Lichen, perchĂ©e au sommet de lâArbre-Banque, ne contenait que son diadĂšme de coquilles brodĂ©es dâĂ©corces dorĂ©es... et une seule plume noire, dĂ©posĂ©e sur le coussin de mousse royale.
Lâalerte fut immĂ©diatement dĂ©clenchĂ©e. Des Ă©cureuils Ă©claireurs sâĂ©lancĂšrent Ă travers les branches comme des flĂšches poilues, relayant le message dans les quatre quadrants de la ForĂȘt dâĂcorcia.
« La Reine a disparu ! Disparue ! Avec tous les biscuits noisette ! »
Les cris rĂ©sonnaient jusque dans les terriers les plus profonds. Au sol, dans le Grand MarchĂ© des Ronces, les castors arrĂȘtĂšrent de sculpter leurs figurines de glands miniatures. Les hĂ©rissons, en pleine rĂ©pĂ©tition de leur ballet martial, sâĂ©croulĂšrent en boule. MĂȘme les hiboux â connus pour leur sang-froid lĂ©gendaire et leur expression constipĂ©e permanente â Ă©carquillĂšrent les yeux de 2 % supplĂ©mentaires.
AppelĂ© en urgence, le gĂ©nĂ©ral Castagnor, commandant suprĂȘme des LĂ©gions Ăcureuilliennes, fit son entrĂ©e dramatique dans la salle du trĂŽne, le manteau hĂ©rissĂ© de branches et lâĆil vif comme un gland grillĂ©.
â "Par les poils sacrĂ©s de Grand-Papa Noisette... Câest un coup montĂ© !", grogna-t-il en flairant la plume noire.
Pluminette, espionne de haut vol et attachĂ©e diplomatique des Pies, apparut soudain dans un nuage de plumes et dâinsolence.
â "Pourquoi ce serait forcĂ©ment un coup des Pies, hein ? Câest parce que jâai une queue plus stylĂ©e que la vĂŽtre, câest ça ?"
â "Vous ĂȘtes la seule ici Ă perdre vos plumes en prĂ©sence de la Reine, Pluminette.", rĂ©torqua Castagnor, la moustache frĂ©missante.
Un silence gĂȘnant. Quelques grognements Ă©touffĂ©s. Lâinsinuation Ă©tait claire. Et probablement vraie. Mais ça nâexpliquait pas tout.
Le Conseil des Grands Rameaux fut convoquĂ© en urgence. InstallĂ©s sur des champignons gĂ©ants, les reprĂ©sentants des espĂšces forestiĂšres sâaffrontĂšrent Ă coups dâaccusations dĂ©lirantes :
Les castors : "Câest les blaireaux ! Ils creusent des tunnels jusquâĂ nos stocks !"
Les blaireaux : "FAUX ! Câest les grenouilles ninja ! Elles bondissent partout, on ne les voit jamais !"
Les grenouilles ninja (quâon ne voyait effectivement pas) : "CroĂą."
Les hiboux : "Câest un signe du destin. Une Ăšre nouvelle commence. Peut-ĂȘtre mĂȘme un spin-off."
Pendant ce temps, les lapins avaient dĂ©jĂ fondĂ© un nouveau royaume autoproclamĂ© basĂ© sur la carotte comme monnaie alternative. Cela ne dura que 47 minutes avant lâeffondrement du systĂšme boursier des rongeurs.
Un mot interdit se murmura bientĂŽt dans les racines et les feuillages : Le Rat.
Longtemps banni, le Clan du Rat Gris Ă©tait censĂ© avoir disparu depuis la Guerre des Tunnels CrottĂ©s. Mais des rumeurs parlaient dâun retour. Dâune armĂ©e de rongeurs tatouĂ©s aux dents limĂ©es en forme de lames. Et surtout, de leur chef mythique...
Le Grand Rongeur, alias : Croque-Silence.
Certains disaient quâil pouvait broyer un gland dâun seul regard. Dâautres quâil contrĂŽlait les fouines avec des chansons anciennes. Tous Ă©taient dâaccord : sâil Ă©tait de retour... la guerre serait inĂ©vitable.
LES DERNIĂRES TRACES
De retour Ă la salle du trĂŽne, Castagnor inspectait les lieux. La plume noire. Une trace de griffure sur lâĂ©corce. Et une miette de biscuit aux noisettes ambrĂ©es, introuvable depuis trois cycles lunaires.
Il fronça les sourcils. Et soudain, un souvenir lui revint. La Reine aimait ces biscuits. Un seul boulanger savait les faire. Un certain... Gaspard, le Hérisson-Chef, désormais retiré dans les Marais Brumeux.
â "Nous partons dĂšs lâaube. Il est temps de rĂ©veiller la Brigade de la Coquille."
Un écureuil bondit sur place :
â "La Brigade ? Celle avec le blaireau trop nerveux, la pie schizophrĂšne et le lapin pyromane ?!"
Castagnor hocha la tĂȘte.
â "Ils sont fous. Mais ils sont loyaux. Et... ils nâont jamais perdu une noisette."
On the misty dawn of the Great Tidying Day, when leaves fell with the precision of an owl senatorâs speech, the entire canopy held its breath. An unimaginable, unthinkable, almost anti-acorn event had just shaken the Central Trunk: Queen Chestnut had vanished.
This wasnât just a diplomatic tardiness to a meeting with the moles (which, admittedly, was fairly commonâmoles having the timing sense of a damp pebble). No. That morning, the Lichen Throne Room, perched atop the Bank-Tree, held only her diadem of shells embroidered with golden bark⊠and a single black feather, resting on the royal moss cushion.
The alarm was raised immediately. Scout squirrels shot through the branches like furry arrows, relaying the message to all four quadrants of the Bark Forest.
âThe Queen is gone! Vanished! Along with all the hazelnut biscuits!â
The cries echoed down to the deepest burrows. On the ground, in the Grand Bramble Market, beavers stopped carving their miniature acorn figurines. Hedgehogs, mid-rehearsal of their martial ballet, curled into panicked balls. Even the owlsâknown for their legendary composure and permanent constipated expressionsâwidened their eyes by an extra 2%.
Summoned urgently, General Chestnut, supreme commander of the Squirrel Legions, made his dramatic entrance into the throne room, his cloak bristling with twigs and his eyes sharp as a roasted acorn.
âBy the sacred whiskers of Grandpa Hazelnut⊠This is a setup!â he growled, sniffing the black feather.
Plumette, high-flying spy and diplomatic attaché of the Magpies, suddenly appeared in a cloud of feathers and insolence.
âWhy does it have to be the magpies, huh? Just because my tailâs more stylish than yours?â
âYouâre the only one here who sheds feathers in the Queenâs presence, Plumette,â retorted Chestnut, his whiskers twitching.
An awkward silence. A few muffled grumbles. The insinuation was clear. And probably true. But it didnât explain everything.
The Council of the Great Branches was urgently convened. Seated on giant mushrooms, representatives of the forest species hurled wild accusations:
The beavers: âItâs the badgers! Theyâve been tunneling into our stockpiles!â
The badgers: âLIES! Itâs the ninja frogs! They leap everywhereâyou never see them!â
The ninja frogs (who were, indeed, unseen): âRibbit.â
The owls: âThis is fateâs sign. A new era dawns. Perhaps even⊠a spin-off.â
Meanwhile, the rabbits had already founded a self-proclaimed new kingdom based on carrots as alternative currency. It lasted 47 minutes before the rodent stock market crashed.
Soon, a forbidden word slithered through roots and foliage: The Rat.
Long banished, the Gray Rat Clan was thought extinct since the War of the Filthy Tunnels. But rumors spoke of their return. Of an army of tattooed rodents with teeth filed into blades. And above all, of their mythical leaderâŠ
The Great Gnawer, aka: Silence-Chewer.
Some said he could crush an acorn with a single glare. Others claimed he controlled weasels with ancient songs. All agreed: if he was back⊠war was inevitable.
Back in the throne room, Chestnut inspected the scene. The black feather. A claw mark on the bark. And a single crumb of amber-hazelnut biscuitâunseen for three lunar cycles.
He frowned. Then, suddenly, a memory struck him. The Queen loved those biscuits. Only one baker knew how to make them. A certain⊠Gaspard the Hedgehog-Chief, now retired in the Misty Marshes.
âWe leave at dawn. Itâs time to wake the Shell Brigade.â
A squirrel leapt up: âThe Brigade?! The one with the twitchy badger, the schizo magpie, and the pyromaniac rabbit?!â
Chestnut nodded.
âTheyâre insane. But theyâre loyal. And⊠theyâve never lost a hazelnut.â
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La reine s'est tirĂ©e avec toutes les crypto noisettes je parie, j'ai dĂ©jĂ vu ça đ€Ł
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