What a Weekend This Was...
On Friday, my Mom had a reaction to a treatment that I endorsed should be given by one of her new specialists. From a medical perspective, this treatment made complete sense as the next step in her treatment. Her reaction was certainly a severe allergic one which required an epinephrine injection and landed her in the ED all day. She's currently recovering and decreasing the amount of medications she requires for her symptoms. Everything is improving.
Nevertheless, I'm blaming myself for this. If I hadn't endorsed this treatment, she may have not received it, an this reaction would not have occurred. It's a very rare reaction that nobody could have predicted, but the fact remains that if she didn't receive the treatment, it would not have happened in the first place. Nothing that I did to help thereafter could reverse this fact.
I just seems to continue hurting her even when I want to and try to help her. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't even trust myself as a physician right now. I'm beyond embarrassed.
She also found out that I've been on the road of shutting down FreeCompliments on Hive. This did cause her concern because she knew how important it was to me, but the fact remains that helping her is more important to me. Not to mention, I still don't feel fit to lead the community.
On that note, I've acquired the funds to rewards HSBI. The $BTC has been converted to $HIVE, and I'm now deciding from which account I'll be sending these rewards. I presume I'll send them out either tomorrow or Tuesday. This will be the last big set of rewards for this community; after that, I'll have some small remnants sent to people who are completing their jobs for the community after October.
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There is still a lot for the medical field to learn, you and most other doctors try their best it doesn't always turn out well, the intention is the most important and thankfully she is doing ok, you are not the first or last doctor to make a mistake unfortunately that's how we learn and grow.
Yeah, this was such an unexpected and rare complication that it simply wasn't something we would have expected. The specialists certainly had never seen it happen during their time in practice. I know we took the right actions as we observed this reaction developing, and we certainly prevented any bad long-term consequences. Yet, I still can't help but blame myself because this shouldn't have happened in the first place.
We're going to figure out which component caused the reaction by tracking down the specific medication which was used. If not a genuine allergy, then it may have been a bad batch, too, and that's something the FDA should know so the parent company can investigate.
Regardless, we're not just letting this go. I know that if I were running this clinic, I'd want to ensure that this doesn't happen to another patient.
Totally understandable but if it is in fact a bad batch there is nothing you could have done
My heart goes out to you dear one, I know exactly how it feels to try and still not feel adequate or for things to not go as planned.
From a child to another child, I don't know if this helps but, the fact that you always have your mom's best interests at heart and want what's best for her is enough reason to let go and forgive yourself for how her medication turned out.
You will not intentionally hurt your mom and then you endorsed the treatment not to hurt her but to help her, the deed has been done and the more you blame yourself, the more it eats you up and leaves you bitter. Your mommy needs you to be happy.
You cannot hide regrets or pain, it's a vibration that even the next person can feel it. You really cannot change the situation of things now but can only try to make it better and then if you don't let go of the past, how can you live in the present and improve on the future?
Going forward, you got the experience to learn from it. Bear in mind that you are currently utilizing energy for two (you and your mom) so you need to radiate love and happiness.
Take a break, meditate, let go of what has been then, continue to do the things that makes you happy.
All the best and I'm rooting for you ❤️