THE EVENING WOLF

It’s interesting how just one phrase can stir up a lot of thoughts within. I’m sure anyone who sees the title of this post will probably be thinking, what could it be about and how does it even relate to reflection. Well, that was how I also thought about it too when I first heard that phrase. The evening wolf is something that a lot of us, if not everyone of us have had an encounter with at different points in our lives and some of us might even be having that experience even as they read through this.

A lot of times in our lives, we are faced with situations that feel overwhelming, too daring, unrealistic, uncomfortable, difficult and so much negativity. But despite all of these negative emotions and experiences, we are somehow still expected to show up because if we don’t, we might get judged or misunderstood. I mean, it just feels safer to avoid unnecessary call-outs. We are forced to wake up early in the morning even when deep down all we really want to do is just stay on our beds scrolling endlessly through our devices or watch a movie, play a game or talk to that special someone.

Even as we show up without wanting to, a part of us actually feels happy or comfortable because it helps us shy away from the so many of things we should actually be reflecting on. But you know, the world is so structured that you can’t run away from things for too long because despite how busy we might get, we always have some time when our thoughts are just displayed to us. And usually, this happens late at night or very early hours of the day or even on a random hot afternoon. And this is the time when the evening wolf comes.

The evening wolves are usually very aggressive because they are usually very hungry. They are literally ready to pounce on anything they see. And this is what I liken to those thoughts that we run away from all through the day or our busy lives. Yes, we complain that our jobs might be draining but deep down we are happy that these jobs are keeping us away from the so many reflections we have to deal with. But then, they always find a way to come at us especially when we are in our most vulnerable state, just like how the evening wolves go after other animals when it’s time for them to retire for the day.

Personally, I have had this experience a lot and it is usually that time when I doubt myself due to one wrong decision I have made, or something I knew I should have done better. I beat myself up so much that I forget that there is a place of forgiving myself and not only forgiving others. I don’t think anyone scold me as much as I scold myself and usually, it is always when I feel vulnerable that I do that, when the evening wolf is up and active.

But then, there is something this teaches me, the importance of always being self-aware. When we are always expectant of the worst things and hopeful for the best, almost nothing gets to us. Not that they won’t try to get to us, but they just can’t get to us even in our most vulnerable state because we are mostly self-aware. Knowing and having that consciousness that the evening wolf is definitely coming no matter what, gives us the ability to prepare for it. Sometimes, we can even be the ones to call-out the evening wolf ourselves and that way, it won’t be able to cause us any harm.

Yes, it’s frightening, frustrating and even uncomfortable to sit with ourselves sometimes but it is something we just have to do. When we learn to be more honest with ourselves, we start to notice the evening wolf’s voice fading away. We start listening to ourselves and figuring things out better and nothing disarms the evening wolf better than us being self-aware. We often times can’t avoid a very busy day but we can consciously make efforts towards calling out the evening wolf which could be the fact that we didn’t do something right, we lied when we didn’t have to, we took something that wasn’t ours to take and so much more that makes us feel less of ourselves.

The moment we tell ourselves certain truths that we will normally prefer to not tell ourselves, we disarm the evening wolf of taking advantage of our vulnerability. So tell yourself those hard truths because most times, we don’t even appreciate others bringing it to our attention and we owe it to ourselves to be the best of us.

So, it’s another reminder to myself and anyone that cares to read that we should be self-aware. A reminder that our reality will always come to us at our most vulnerable moments if we don’t learn to sit with ourselves and it causes us to doubt ourselves and invite so much negativity and energy which will end up dragging us down and leaving us in a worse state than we were before the evening wolf visited. We are not all high and mighty, we make mistakes, we say the wrong things and we do the wrong things too. Knowing this will help us not to feel too guilt, and stop us from focusing on doing better. And that, is us being self-aware.

Thank you for reading through! 💜