Navigating Friendship Amidst Comparison: A Tale of Vulnerability

Comparison is indeed a stealer of joy.

I was on the phone with my friend few hours ago, and we were discussing about the year, how our relationship went, if we were as intentional as we ought to be about our friendship, if there was anything we could have incorporate and done better in, careers wise, relationship, finances and even to our self development.

It was a moment of vulnerability for the both of us 😅.

You know, this made me remember there was a point In time, I felt like I was lagging behind, my friend has it all figured out, while I didn't even know what the next thing to do was😅.

No plans, no nothing, I was just living on vibes and inshallah.

You know, we finally got to that part where I blurted out that, "do you know there was a time I was so jealous of you?"

She was shocked, because according to her, what was there to be jealous about. But for real, a whole lot.

My friend is the cool headed one, she knows just the right thing to say at every point in time, she has loads of valuable relationship she has built over time, she has the perfect circles. Family members nko? Perfect! I felt God blessed her more than every other person.

Then she decided to burst my burbles too, and told me she had to talk to someone few days back because she felt she was overthinking. According to her, the rate of my evolvement makes her feel like I will leave her behind If she does not gird up her loins.

And I was like, how? My life isn't even that rosy and sweet. It just looks like that, moreover, I'm trying to focus on ME at this stage of my life.

Abi, if I can't be you, then I will build myself to that person I want to be intentionally.

And then, she made a striking statement, she said "you're always the happy one."

You know, it hit me straight up, I wanted to be cool headed like her while she wants to be as happy and carefree as I am.

Wow!

What a life!

And this actually made us drift apart for awhile. I was trying not to be in her space, so I wouldn't have to hear about all her latest escapades and she stopped coming over to my side, because she thinks I'm doing too much lol 😅. Whereas, I'm just barely surviving and trying to thrive in all.

If anyone ask me what I would advise my younger self, it would be to stop comparison. Comparison can be healthy yeah, but most time, it isn't always healthy.

Everyone has something they are battling with, and trust me, no one has it a figured out. Even those who look like they have it all figured out, move close enough and you'd discover that, they are just taking it a step at a time.

Comparison steal joy.
Comparison create unnecessary rifts between people.

I would have lost my friend, because anywhere we get to, her before me ni 😅.

Anyways, one way we have been able to help ourselves is that, we intentionally carry each other along in our plans, that way I know what you're doing per time, and no one is swinging in surprises on the other person and then jealousy sprungs up in the other person mind.

And yes, overtime I have come to accept that, somethings are just meant to be, and it doesn't make me any lesser than I am.

My friend could be the one meant in the limelight, doesn't mean I am not doing well, and I could be the one in the limelight, doesn't mean she is not doing well.

The more you compare, you loose your joy, you feel dissatisfied, and weirdly enough, you wouldn't see how green the leafs are on your fields but you'd keep seeing someone's own, and wish it was yours.

Life!