Work on yourself to become a better You

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After my father's death, I lost hope in myself, my dreams, and my aspirations, as a young girl my dreams came crashing the day his death was announced to us by our church members, and I stopped dreaming. I still remember that day like it happened yesterday and every day when I lay on our bed crying, I would always think about what would become of me and my family.

What would happen to my education, my dreams, and everything he promised me, how would those things come to reality? I gave up on myself and my dreams because my dad was the only one who knew so much and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I mean, I worshiped that man as a demi-god because of his encouraging words to me, and because he never looked at me as a waste of time and money even when he had reasons to.

After I finished my secondary school education, I told myself that was the end for when it concerns education because I knew I didn't have anyone to run to for help and I knew what I faced while trying to finish my senior secondary school education, I was abused at the point of my need by a family member and because that was my only option and gateway to finishing school, I had to endure because I needed to have the certificate, I didn't want to be a Secondary School drop out because my benefactor (dad) was no more.

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Seven years after I was done with school, I still wasn't interested in checking my results because I felt I had no use, so while I worked and helped my mum raise my siblings, I always cried my eyes to sleep when I saw my mate furthering their education and doing good with themselves, while I was here taking up the responsibility my father left behind for me.

I remember one day, an elderly man I was staying with his extended family, asked if I was done with school because he felt I was too well to be a dropout, or an illiterate since I was staying with his family as a help. I told him I was done with Secondary School and he asked that he see my certificate to be sure, I told him I hadn't checked my result since I left school and he was angry and said some painful words. I didn't take it to heart because I didn't see any need for the result and had no hope of furthering it because of the finances, I mean, I had nobody, the only person who would have done that for me without asking for anything in return was dead and buried.

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One day, someone said to me, after I complained to him about my life that keeps moving in circles and how it always felt like year in, year out, I was doing the same thing, with no change or improvement. "I know you've got aspirations, dreams, and goals and I know because of your family, trying to fulfill their wish, you've had to bury so many of these things because you don't want them to feel the absence of your father, but it is high time you focus on "You", build yourself, chase your dreams, do what you love doing for you and not for them this time".

I didn't get his point until he made a valid point, he said "If you keep concentrating on your siblings, tomorrow when they grow and leave you behind, I hope you won't regret or hate yourself for not growing with them when you had the opportunity"

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I knew I had sacrificed my years for them and was willing to go the extra mile just to make them happy and comfortable but what I didn't know was that in that process of focusing on them, I had abandoned and forgotten about myself, I literally lived my whole life and I forgot that there will come a time when they will all grow and expand, leave to pursue their dream, and that is when I am going to realize how empty and infertile I have become because over the days I buried me and focused on building them.

He said "Grow with them, pursue your dreams, and aspirations as you push them to do the same, leave the limelight and let them struggle, just be there to extend helping hands when they call out to you, so that you will be valuable over time". They will do what is needed to be done even in your absence to build your life.

I took that advice, and I am happy I did take it because over the years, when I look back I still regret that I had pushed myself to do so many things and not lost hope in myself, just maybe I would have been in a better place and better position to help them without stress and comfortably.

Don't forget yourself in a bid to help your family grow, you may regret it in the future.

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