Learning to Face the Feelings I Avoid

When I read the first prompt earlier today, I immediately concluded I'll write for the second prompt instead. Then through the day as I started to prepare to write, I realised an obvious thing I did about the first prompt... I was trying to run away from being vulnerable, from my feelings.

The prompt is asking "Which feelings or emotions do you find most difficult to open up about?" and my first line of defence acted up immediately, trying not to open up about an emotion that I find difficult to share. Realizing that made me understand that I'm running away.

So I won't be talking about my best food in the world when I should be finding a way about handling my feelings, sharing them to be more of myself and to win against it. Sadly, the feeling I find most difficult to open up about is a negative one and that's a reason it's hard for me to share.

A friend of mine said something that resonate so well with me, he says I have a positive energy around me that he is so conscious of what he shares with me so he doesn't spread a negative energy over mine. While that was so considerable of him, I figured I am like that with my feelings.

One feeling I struggle to share with anyone (the person have to be very close to find out) is my fears, the fear of being unable to do the things I say I would do. Honestly, I'm not saying exactly what the fear is but it's in between that context and it's not funny in my reality since I realized it.

What helps to make it easier to share is, I remind myself that I am not the only one with fears and fears aren't real. They are just a state of mind that I let control my physical or mental abilities. I fight this fear daily especially when I am faced with a situation that will make me show what I can do.

I don't get to talk about it a lot but I'm glad to be aware of such fear and I'm trying to prove to myself that I can really do what I decide to do and I'll do it so well. I've had proofs but somehow, the fear still comes so the fight continues until I conquer it totally or just keep winning the fight.