The Stench of Resentment #250

I always thought it was superior to hold grudges. I mean, just think about it. If you offend me, I’ll have to decide whether I want to forgive you or not. And to me, not forgiving was an indication of the kind of power I wielded as a person. So it continued for years, and then one day, my late elder sister engaged me in a deep conversation.

She started by asking me an unusual question: if she gives me rotten tomatoes, what would I do with them? Without thinking, I said I would throw them away, and she asked me why. I told her how smelly the rotten tomatoes would be and how I wouldn’t be able to stand the stench. And then she asked me, "How is that powerful?"

I was silent for a minute, and then she went ahead to tell me what I decide to do won’t affect her; it’s only going to affect me. If I keep the rotten tomatoes, the stench is going to affect me and if I throw them away, I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. Either way, as she said, it won’t affect her in any way. And someone is only powerful when their decisions affect people, so once again, how is that powerful?

I knew she made it up just to open my eyes to how powerful it is to actually let go. And how limiting it is to hold grudges.

After that conversation, everything made sense to me. I was holding a grudge against a childhood friend and anytime I saw him, my heart would beat so fast, as if I were experiencing a heart attack. And for the rest of my day, I would just be so angry. The very day I decided to forgive him, it felt like I had been let out of a 100-degree sauna.

Yes, he offended me and it was one of the most horrible betrayals I’ve seen in my life so far, and he probably didn’t deserve my forgiveness. But as I kept holding on to the grudge, the bitterness I had for him kept eating into me. And it only got worse and worse each time I saw him. So in the end, I forgave him not because he deserved my forgiveness, but because I deserved to be free. And most importantly, I deserved peace of mind and no unnecessary heart attacks.