From Fairytale to Reality: The Real Deal on Marriage Standards
Growing up into adolescents, we had so many expectations for the partner we hope to marry. Movies like Cinderella helped us visualise a prince and princes who are so flawless, and this only heightened our expectations for the person we hope to fall in love with. Unfortunately, movies are fairytales and our experiences are reality. I grew up with the exact image of a woman I wanted, chocolate in complexion, tall, slim, beautiful, perfect curves and edges, Godly, romantic and good in bed, brilliant, respectful, hardworking, faithful, jovial, flexible, understanding, loving, slow in anger, forgiving, and supportive.
But then life made me realize no one can be this flawless, everyone has his weakness and all that matters is to prioritise what one desires most in the woman he hopes to marry. My priorities were selected the night my mum called me to discuss finding the right woman with me and her advice changed my perspective entirely on the standard I had set earlier for myself. This is what she told me; I know you're old enough to start looking for a woman to settle down with, but I'll want you to take this advice as your guide while searching for a partner. You can't know who's right for you until you test her in this way while you're dating because every woman would look like the right one when everything is going on smoothly.
Image created using Gemini AI
"A virtuous woman is known through these: Her ability to forgive, her willingness to support, and respect for you and everyone you value" she continued. "To know if a woman has this, intentionally make her angry and notice these things; how easily she forgive, how she reacts when she's angry, and notice whether she sometimes forbear to seek peace" I sat quietly listening to her, it was the first time my mum had ever called me privately to discuss relationship matters with me. I didn't say anything, I waited for her to continue.
"Even though you're rich, while in the relationship, pretend to have a need and ask her for help and notice whether she'll be willing to help or bring up excuses why she can't. It only tells you if she'll be a supportive wife or you'd take the load of the family alone. And finally, notice if she cares about you, your family and friends, because when the people you value are gone, you may struggle as a lone man". She said, Those words sunk deep into my heart and ever since they have become my guide.
Beauty is deceptive, I've seen this for myself, curves and edges wouldn't matter when she doesn't respect you with that body, intelligence sometimes could be a stealer of respect. I've had females who are beautiful, intelligent, figure 8, and all, and most of them had their flaws. My standards are no longer a queue of demands, no longer the fairytale kind of princess but a woman who has these three qualities; forgiveness, supportiveness and is respectful, whatever is added can be a bonus to it.
đź«‚
Your mom's advise is too notch, those are the qualities of a virtuous woman indeed.
Yeah, found the advice useful and I made that my criteria
Some have unrealistic goals which makes finding the right one difficult. Thank God you have your mummy to advise you
And it's funny how they hold tight to those unrealistic expectations
Mutual vulnerability fosters genuine connection.
So instead of testing a partner, co-creating a relationship where both parties openly navigate flaws might better reveal compatibility.
The focus on a woman’s virtues could extend to mutual expectations—how do men cultivate these qualities to meet a partner’s needs? This shift from unilateral evaluation to reciprocal growth challenges traditional gender roles, inviting a modern redefinition of partnership where both individuals prioritize character over perfection, fostering resilience and shared purpose in love.
Thank you
If such partners are flexible for change, it becomes easier to co-create such relationship where both parties navigate flaws. Unfortunately, some tell you that's who they are and can't change
Change and adaptability are the currencies of a relationship. When it comes to marital relationships, it's not about demand and expectations, it's more about reciprocal growth-- an active choice of mutual transformation.