RE: Sam’s Hangout #109 - “COHABITATION OR COMMITMENT?”

Hello everyone 👋

1. Cohabiting before marriage, does it help in building a stronger bond/future?

Now, let me be honest with y'all. This is something I've done before. Meaning I won't be talking from something I read somewhere but from my own lived experience. And in all honesty, I will never do it again. Some might have done it and it worked for them, but me o, it's a no no.

Now, while living together, you get to be close and know things about each other. You see each other every day, you get to understand each other's moods, you know how he/she snores, and it can as well expose things to you, things like anger issues and how they manage it, things like spending habits, things like cleanliness and dirtiness... You get to see it via cohabiting together, cos things like that are like smoke, they can't be hidden for so long. So, that way it tends to test compatibility.

But then, coahabiting together can as well create a false sense of security, in the sense that you don't just feel, but you as well start acting like a married couple without doing the necessities. You will agree with me that cohabiting can't go on for long without sharing one's body with the other(sex). So, you give your time, your body, your energy, you finance... Your everything to it.

And for me, it didn't help me build at all, I thought it would help build a good and strong foundation, but it didn't. That was why I said earlier that it might work for others, but it's a no no for me. Because it only made things worse and a lot more complicated at the end of the day. I would have loved to share the story, but o long. I wouldn't have called it cohabiting, but at the end of the day, it is still cohabiting. This lady had some issues and we were dating back then, so she was forced to leave her place, most of her friends staying near as well aren't staying alone, so I decided to take her, and that was how we began to stay together then till she will secure her own place.... And it opened my eyes to a lot of things, some which I could still even bear, and some like (infidelity/cheating) that I couldn't even bare. Got to an extent that she started calling this guy's name when she wants to call me 😂😁😂... Lemme not say too much.

And as a Christian, I know it's out of it. It is not acceptable in any way, but to keep it neutral, based on what I have seen, I can say coahabiting is not a foolproof way to guarantee a lasting marriage.

1. Does cohabitation make partners lose independence and take on responsibilities without commitment?

Well, seems this is directed at the women, but then we will all agree that it all starts from... "Ok, let's stay together." And from staying together you start doing various duties and household chores, you sweep, mop, wash, cook, support and all....in short you start acting like the wife/spouse that you're not....

And like I said earlier, seems this is directed at the women as they are the ones who get to do all of that, they began to adjust their lives, reschedule their schedules, sacrifice and most times put their lives, business, academic and such on hold in the name of... "I'm building with him" while there's no legal backing to your stress and all that you claim to be building.

And I can say that the disadvantage outweighs the advantage in every way... Even where rules are set and boundaries are defined, the disadvantage still outweighs the advantage, because it's not as if you won't be pouring into the "union" at all. It will definitely affect some of your decisions.

It's a risky path to tread, and like I said earlier, this is coming from my own personal experience... One that I've learned from.

@afrikens
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Take mic o 🎤

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