Nothing Left to Lose…

For a long time, I haven’t been a fan of people. It goes both ways too. One thing that pisses me off when it comes to human beings is that nothing is ever enough. I mean, we do have the pyramid of needs that just gets bigger with each new thing we accomplish but, for a very intelligent species, we know how to push stupid boundaries.

I have only a handful of people I talk to. I can count them on one palm but that’s not the point. For the 12th day of the INLEO initiative, Hive Naija invites us to think of something we failed to notice in the past month.

I failed to notice a series of incidents and events especially in my personal life but I have vowed not to dwell my life on regrets. Once it happens, it happens and we move on. It’s a waste of time to dwell on things we can’t change.

I failed at noticing people around me. It’s sad that I look back and realise that I made mistakes that will remain that way, but I won’t cry over it. I failed to notice people that needed me. I failed to notice how my behaviour hurt people I loved and I failed to notice that I was being corrupt by people I let close.

That is all okay, it must happen so I can learn my lesson and decide my battles. Choosing my battles from now on won’t be difficult because while I failed to notice the havoc I caused, I did not fail to realise how important it is to be grounded in one’s belief and convictions.

Let me remind you. I am not regretting anything. What I am doing is looking back on hindsight and seeing where I fell short.

Another thing I failed to notice was my body’s language. It tried to speak to me on numerous occasions using different patterns to express that I was treading a fine line between health and death. The nausea, the fatigue, mood swings, constant thirst and insomnia. Abdominal pains, lumps in my underarm and headaches. It only got worse and I found that I was putting on weight instead of shedding it.

I fell sick to malaria and typhoid twice in a month and all the while, I also battled depression and anxiety. A test would show that my sugar levels were insanely high and my body lacked vitamins, iron, and fibre - malnourished.

My hormones went on rampage as they were not given the right substances. I would learn that the body will utilize every way possible to speak to you until it can’t anymore and you find yourself losing consciousness on a Sunday morning when you wake up for water. Your eyes blur and for ten seconds, you can’t see anything. That was scary.

But I have learned and what I missed, I am making up for in this month of November. I invested a little over 150,000 in my health and while all this could have been prevented by responding earlier to my body’s need, I can’t say I regret it. There is nothing to regret. We move!