She Was Once a Girl Like Me || A New Perspective on Aging (#28)

My transition from a rebellious teenager to a deep-thinking youth is one of the greatest gifts time has given me. One of the most beautiful shifts in mindset I’ve had is in my relationship with my mother. This change has taught me the value of love, kindness, and intentional care; especially for the elderly, who often find themselves overlooked in the final stages of life.
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I once stumbled on a post that said, “Your mother was once a girl like you too.” That line hit me deeply. She really was a little girl with hopes and dreams for the future. Like me, she probably wondered what her life would be like, what her kids might look like, and whether she’d be happy. This realization changed the way I viewed her.

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It dawned on me that this is her first time living this life. She hasn’t been a mother in a past life (at least, none that she remembers) or gained experience from a different existence. She’s figuring it out as she goes along, just like the rest of us. Mothers, no matter how strong they seem, are grown women pretending to have it all together. This perspective softened my heart, and I began treating her with a deeper sense of understanding.

We’re now best friends. We talk about life, relationships, and movies. She lights up when I gift her something, no matter how small, and I never miss an opportunity to compliment her. I’ve learned that her love language is words of affirmation, so I always tell her how radiant her smile is and how much I admire her laughter. Even the little moments, like helping her pick an outfit, have become cherished memories.

This shift in mindset has extended beyond my mother. When I see elderly people, I can’t help but remember that they, too, were once young. Despite the changes in their physical appearances, they probably still view life through the lens of their youth. Little things, like heartfelt compliments or small acts of kindness, brighten their days.

An unavoidable constant in life is death. Knowing that we won’t always have our loved ones with us motivates me to treat them and all elderly people with love and respect. Here’s how I believe we, as individuals and as a society, can support the elderly and combat the challenges they face in their final years:

1. Show Kindness Through Everyday Gestures

Simple acts of kindness can make a world of difference. Genuine compliments like “Your smile is beautiful” or “Your white hair is so stunning” go a long way in making someone feel seen. Offering help, such as carrying heavy items for an elderly person or holding the door open, is another way to show respect and care.

1. Practice Thoughtful Gift-Giving

The older people get, the lonelier they may feel. Remembering small details about them, such as their birthdays, can brighten their days. A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to be expensive, a card, flowers, or even a favorite snack can remind them that they’re valued.

1. Foster Connections

Loneliness is a common struggle for many elderly people. Creating community support systems can ease this burden. As neighbors, we can organize regular visits. For instance, I have an uncle that lost his wife earlier last year, my family and I know how lonely this can get for him and as such, we rotate hanging out with him every evening. I can go today and my dad tomorrow, just like that.

1. Reconnect With Elderly Family Members

While helping strangers is important, care begins at home. Regularly checking in on elderly family members, calling them often, playing games with them, or simply spending quality time together can strengthen bonds and combat feelings of neglect. Make them feel young again by including them in activities that bring them joy.

1. Educate and Inspire the Younger Generation

Teaching younger people to value and care for the elderly ensures a generational cycle of respect. When children and teens grow up understanding the importance of supporting the elderly, society as a whole benefits. And that is one of the reasons I'll always respect my culture, in Yoruba land, honoring the elders is a tradition as old as time itself. But we need to make the younger ones understand that honoring is not enough, we need to make them feel seen and loved.

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This mindset of intentional care has deeply impacted my relationships. With my mother, I’ve learned that even the smallest actions, like sharing a compliment or helping her pick an outfit, bring immense joy.

In the final years of life, the elderly deserve love, attention, and dignity. If we all commit to showing kindness to the elderly around us—both within our families and in our communities—we can create a world where they feel valued, supported, and loved.
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Thank you for reading! :)