Close Enough to Hug, Far Enough to Breathe

I might not enjoy being alone as much as I thought I did. This was something 2024 revealed to me and honestly, I still find it shocking.
A picture of me and my sister

I’ve always been the “I love my solitude” type. I was the kid that would rather stay indoor while my siblings go to my mum's salon to play. Nothing could separate me from the couch and my books. The idea of having my own space, doing what I want, when I want, and not having to answer to anyone sounded like the dream.

Luckily, 2024 gave me that, as I had to travel about 640 km away from my family. And for the most part, it’s been great. Living alone has given me that freedom I always craved. I wake up when I want. I eat what I want. Nobody’s watching me, judging me for eating noodles at midnight or skipping laundry for the third day in a row.

But then I went home for the holidays. And wow. Being back to the city I grew up, among my people, I just felt like, "This is home". The house was full of laughter, teasing, and random bursts of singing (my family could start a choir, honestly). It was chaos, but the good kind. The kind that makes you realize how much you’ve missed it.

When it was time to return and travel the long distance, I thought I’d feel that same sense of “home” as soon as I walked through my door. But, I didn’t. I sincerely just felt like, "I can't wait to wrap up what I'm doing here and go back home". Sure, I still enjoy my space; it’s quiet, peaceful, and entirely mine. But it felt a little...empty. Like something was missing.

That’s when it hit me: I enjoy my solitude, but maybe I don’t love being completely alone. At least not all the time.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m ready to give up my independence. I still love the fact that I can decide my own schedule and live life on my own terms, doesn't make me any less responsible. But the holidays made me realize something important: as much as I enjoy being on my own, I also want that connection. That feeling of being close to people who truly know me.

So here’s what I’ve concluded: I want the best of both worlds. I want to live alone, but not too far from my family. I mean, 640 km is a really far stretch! Maybe somewhere close enough to visit them whenever I start feeling homesick. That way, I get to keep my independence without feeling like I’m on a deserted island.

Of course, life doesn’t always work out that neatly. I know that as I keep chasing my dreams, I might end up miles—or even countries—away from my family. But even then, I hope I’ll find ways to stay close. Maybe I’ll become that person who routinely FaceTime their family everyday, lol. Whatever it takes, I want to keep that connection close to me.

2024 taught me that “home” isn’t just a place. It’s a feeling. It’s the people who make you laugh until your stomach hurts, who know your quirks and love you anyway. And while I’ve learned to love my own company, I’ve also learned that I don’t have to choose between independence and connection. I can have both, just maybe not in equal doses every day.

As 2025 rolls in, I’m taking this lesson with me: that solitude and connection doesn't have to be opposites. They can coexist, enriching each other. I’ll embrace the freedom of my own space but also prioritize staying close—physically or emotionally—to the people I love.

Here’s to a 2025 of finding stability, staying close to the people I love, and maybe eating fewer midnight noodles. Or not. We’ll see, lol.

All images used in this article are mine.
This is my response to the prompt for Thoughtful Thursday
Thank you for reading!

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