SECRET N °° 363 The Great War of the Chairs chapter 5 ( ENG / FR )


ENG Version


Chapter 5: The Great Sitting

When the dust finally settles, the old living room is no longer a battlefield but a resting ground. Everywhere, patched-up Wooden Chairs with woven strands, Straw Chairs adorned with nailed planks, Benches, Stools, and weary Armchairs form a chaotic circle—but a circle nonetheless. At its center, like a sacred trophy, sits the first intact cushion, the one that ended the absurdity of the war. Stool-the-Brave stands watch over it like a priest guarding a relic.

Stiff-Back is still here, but his backrest is repaired with a small woven straw bandage. He seems less severe. Straw-Cushion, for his part, now proudly wears a wooden reinforcement screwed into his frame, like a scar worn with pride. Side by side, they observe what they’ve created without truly intending to: a motley assembly of battered furniture, ready to sit, to stay quiet for a while, to reflect.

All around, wood shavings are traded for strands, screws for strings. Springs torn from the old Sofa are lent out, and the Sofa—relieved to have its innards shared—lets out a long, happy creak. The Rocking Chair, tireless, continues to sway as if to say, "From movement comes rest, from rest comes thought."

And so begins what will later be called The Great Sitting. A conference, a debate, a summit, a picnic—no one really knows. All anyone knows is that, for the first time, all the chairs are seated not face-to-face like enemies, but side by side like cousins. The old rug, full of holes and now a neutral territory, groans under their collective weight.

Stiff-Back, after an eternity of harsh words, speaks in a voice that quivers like an old violin: "We thought firmness was a throne, that rigidity made us kings. We were wrong. A king without a cushion is a king without a kingdom—he rules only over his own splinters." Straw-Cushion nods his makeshift backrest and adds, his voice softer than the rustle of dry leaves: "We thought flexibility was enough. But to be soft without structure is to collapse under the first weight. We need wood as much as wood needs softness."

Then, in the center, Stool-the-Brave clears his throat. Everyone falls silent to listen to this little piece of furniture no one paid attention to before. His voice is tiny, but in the quiet, it rings like a song: "We were all made to be sat upon. Wood, straw, cushion… What matters is the rest we provide, not the material we’re made of. We don’t carry war—we carry tired backsides."

A murmur ripples through the circle. A Folding Chair, reopened after fearfully closing at the first clash, bursts out laughing. A Sighing Bench stretches out and invites a High Chair to lean against him, just to test it out. A Lounge Chair pretends to sleep to prove she’s understood everything. Even the old Sofa, half-emptied of its cushions, snores softly as if to say, "Finally."

And so, in this dusty living room where tattered curtains float like peace banners, a new world is born. It is decided that every Chair, every Stool, every Bench will have the right to a cushion—small, large, square, round, embroidered or moth-eaten, it doesn’t matter. As long as it brings a little softness, a little respite, a small gesture of tenderness upon planks too stiff or strands too rough.

A pact is signed, engraved not on parchment but in wood, straw, and foam. A pact etched into the memory of the old floorboards, which, for the first time in years, no longer creak under anger but under the tranquil weight of a peaceful assembly.

When all is said and done, a final sunbeam pierces the cracked window. It illuminates the circle. A strand of straw falls onto a wood shaving, both landing on a worn cushion. And the Rocking Chair, eternal, sways this pact into the future, creaking faintly, as if singing a lullaby to the slumbering battles.

In this old living room, peace is a cushion—and a cushion is already an entire kingdom.


Version FR


Chapitre 5 : Le Grand Assise

Lorsque la poussière retombe pour de bon, le vieux salon n’est plus un champ de bataille, mais un champ de repos. Partout, des Chaises en Bois rafistolées de brins, des Chaises en Paille ornées de planches clouées, des Bancs, des Tabourets, des Fauteuils fatigués, tous forment un cercle chaotique, mais un cercle tout de même. Au centre, comme un trophée sacré, trône le premier coussin intact, celui qui a mis fin à l’absurdité de la guerre. Tabouret-Téméraire veille dessus comme un prêtre veille une relique.

Dossier-Rigide est toujours là, mais son dossier est réparé d’un petit pansement de paille tressée. Il paraît moins sévère. Coussin-de-Paille, de son côté, porte maintenant fièrement un renfort de bois vissé dans sa structure, comme une cicatrice assumée. Ensemble, côte à côte, ils observent ce qu’ils ont créé sans vraiment l’avoir prévu : une assemblée hétéroclite de meubles cabossés, mais prêts à s’asseoir, à se taire un moment, à réfléchir.

Tout autour, on échange encore des copeaux contre des brins, des vis contre des ficelles. On se prête des ressorts arrachés au vieux Canapé, qui, soulagé de ses entrailles partagées, soupire un long grincement heureux. Le Rocking-Chair, infatigable, continue de se balancer comme pour dire : « Du mouvement naît le repos, du repos naît l’idée. »

Alors commence ce qu’on appellera plus tard Le Grand Assise. Une conférence, un débat, un sommet, un pique-nique : nul ne sait vraiment. Tout ce qu’on sait, c’est que toutes les chaises s’y installent, pour la première fois, non pas face à face comme des ennemies, mais côte à côte comme des cousines. Le vieux tapis, troué, devenu territoire neutre, grince sous leur poids collectif.

Dossier-Rigide, après une éternité de mots durs, prend la parole, d’une voix qui vibre comme un vieux violon : « Nous avons cru que la fermeté était un trône, que la rigidité faisait de nous des rois. Nous avions tort. Un roi sans coussin est un roi sans royaume : il ne règne que sur ses échardes. » Coussin-de-Paille hoche son dossier improvisé, et poursuit, sa voix plus douce qu’un froissement de feuilles sèches : « Nous avons cru que la souplesse était suffisante. Mais être souple sans structure, c’est s’effondrer au premier poids venu. Nous avons besoin du bois comme le bois a besoin du moelleux. »

Puis, au milieu, Tabouret-Téméraire toussote. Tout le monde se tait pour écouter ce petit meuble que personne n’écoutait avant. Sa voix est minuscule, mais dans le silence, elle sonne comme une chanson : « Nous sommes tous faits pour être assis dessus. Bois, paille, coussin… Ce qui compte, c’est le repos qu’on offre, pas la matière dont on est fait. On ne porte pas la guerre, on porte les fesses fatiguées. »

Un murmure parcourt le cercle. Une Chaise Pliante, rouverte après s’être fermée de peur au premier choc, éclate de rire. Un Banc Soupirant s’étend de tout son long et invite une Chaise Haute à poser son dossier sur lui, juste pour tester. Une Chaise Longue fait mine de dormir pour prouver qu’elle a tout compris. Même le vieux Canapé, vidé de la moitié de ses coussins, ronfle doucement comme pour dire : « Enfin. »

Et alors, dans ce salon poussiéreux, où les rideaux éventrés flottent comme des bannières de paix, naît un nouveau monde. On décide que chaque Chaise, chaque Tabouret, chaque Banc aura droit à un coussin. Petit, grand, carré, rond, brodé ou mité, peu importe. Tant qu’il apporte un peu de moelleux, un peu de répit, un petit geste de tendresse sur des planches trop raides ou des brins trop rêches.

Un pacte est signé, gravé non pas sur un parchemin, mais dans le bois, la paille, la mousse. Un pacte gravé dans la mémoire du vieux parquet qui, pour la première fois depuis des années, ne grince plus sous la colère, mais sous le poids tranquille d’une assemblée apaisée.

Quand tout est dit, tout est conclu, un dernier rayon de soleil traverse la vitre fêlée. Il éclaire le cercle. Un brin de paille tombe sur un copeau de bois, tous deux se posent sur un coussin troué. Et le Rocking-Chair, éternel, berce ce pacte vers l’avenir, grinçant à peine, comme pour chanter une berceuse aux batailles endormies.

Dans ce vieux salon, la paix est un coussin, et un coussin, c’est déjà tout un royaume.


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