Text Adventure - Beard's Adventure in NED's Pizzeria.

The following prompt was written when I first started the text adventure group, before s&s tokens were live. The whole story so far was written by me, with one paragraph from @ecoinstant. I thought it would be a good story to relaunch with more users. It's the first time I did the whole "Beard as a character" troupe ... as well as having a silly deep web story like one of the let's write together stories we all completed. It's also the start for the idea of the rpg game some of us play. I changed some of the story so the prompt isn't a straight up copy/paste. COMMENT BELOW TO PARTICIPATE. Vote for entries that you like. At any point you can reply to a comment and start a new thread/storyline. No word count limit or requirement.

P.S obviously anyone should add artwork if they want to!

@thebeardflex was working feverously on his laptop.

He had two laptops actually. One for trading shit coins on #Hive-engine and another for writing a proposal on saving the world's marine sea creatures with augmented reality. Both laptop screens were displayed on a giant LCD screen on the wall. "Time to sell some of my Crappachino coins," Beard whispered to himself. He clicked a few buttons and then put his feet up on his table. "All in a hard days work." Beard was joking to himself. The truth is he had many hours of work to do.

Earlier that day, Beard visited his local Electronics store. He was a bit of a wizz kid at building electronic devices. He had tesla coils, high voltage generators, modified payphones and vann de graaff generators. There was a large shopping bag with everything he bought that day tucked under his arms. He looked around nervously as he walked quickly up his apartment steps. His armpits and Beard hair were covered in nervous sweat.

Beard found a blueprint on the dark web for a device that was supposed to save a lot of electricity while you mined for shitcoin. He pulled the various parts out of the bag. It was a simple enough configuration, he thought. He pulled out his soldering iron and turned the overhead fan on. He put on his goggles and placed Escape, by Journey on the record player.

When the device was built, it resembled a semi/complex board with a few major pieces and several wires. It had a strange circular arrangement of motors and several small screwed down chunks of neodymium magnets. Beard mumbled something under his breath about how the future was for people who took chances and that the weak will not survive. He took a deep breath, then screwed in the last magnet in the arrangement.

When beard plugged the device into the wall the magnets started humming.

"So far so good," Beard said aloud. "Nothing is on fire."

When Beard plugged the device into the Laptop there was a giant white flash and Beard's field of vision turned completely black. All the thoughts he had about crypto projects faded into a complete state of meditative bliss. There were no thoughts in his head. Only complete darkness.

All of a sudden Beard felt a sense of dread. He could think, but he had no body. Where was he? Was he sleeping in bed? Just finished a dream but couldn't wake up? The last thing he remembered was ... being shocked by an electronic device! WAs he finally dead? One of his boy genius experiments gone wrong? He always secretly believed in heaven, but this was just a blank space. It was horrifying.

Slowly, a scene started forming ... He could see a dull outline of a grassy floor and few trees fading into existance in the background.

Beard could faintly hear the sound of the breeze and the babble of a distant river.

All of a sudden, Beard was standing in a small meadow surrounded by pine trees. There was tall grass and a few large rocks around him. He could hear birds chirping and bees buzzing around. Beard looked at his own hands in shock. "Where am I?" he said aloud in disbelief. A tall man in a tie dye hoodie walked out from behind a tree. He was wearing a cummerbund over blue jeans, a silly black bowtie and a leather, barons hat. "Why, you are in NED's Pizzeria!" the man said, gesturing to the woods.

[https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en forest-atlas.fs.fed.us changes made]

"Come with me," @Ned said gesturing to a pathway going into the woods. There was a moment of hesitation and then Beard started walking behind Ned. The forest was very dense with pine trees. The pathway Ned walked down followed an area with less trees. There were lots of random changes in direction as they moved forward.

They finally reached another grassy meadow.

There was a large square around 10 ft by 10 ft with beautifully carved wooden chess pieces. "I carved them myself," said Ned smiling. He moved one of the pawns forward. "Come play a game with me," he said pointing to the other side of the sandy area.

Beard grabbed his left side knight and advanced it as his first move.

"So ... I assume you have something to do with the BEEpower Infinity Board." Beard stared at the pieces and wondered where Ned would move next. "I had no idea this would happen," said Ned with a frown. "Some kind of weird synergistic effect. When I came here ... WOOSH! ... one way ticket," he said, making an airplane motion with his hand.

"The blueprints are live, you are just the first person to build it and plug it in." Ned watched beard move and then slid his bishop in line with the pawn and queen. "I know it sounds outrageous that I accidentally built a soul capturing into some matrix forest, but then ... here you are! Ned smiled to himself and moved another chess piece forward.

Beard started to feel a bit uneasy, like he was seasick. "How do you know we aren't dead or something!" Beard said in alarm. He pushed one of the chess pieces randomy as if to say, "does this game even matter?" Ned sighed an rolled his eyes. "Please take a deep breath," he said. "I almost went insane when I was here at first. But then I learned some things". Ned put his hand on Beards shoulder. "I can explain everything in about 5 minutes okay!?"

Ned walked over to a small pond by the chess board.

"Come here," Ned said.

He squatted by the side of the pond and stared into the center of the murky, green water. "On Earth you are still holding onto the device," said Ned. "The device is plugged into the wall, the decivce is plugged into the wall and you are holding onto it." Ned looked up at Beard. " You are holding onto the device, but you aren't dead. Time is completely holding still."

"What happens if we go back?" Said beard concerned. "I have no idea," said Ned.

"Look at the pond," said Ned.

Beard stared down into the water. The image of the green water slowly started morphing into a bunch of numbers on a screen, it was #Hive-engine! Ned started pressing the pond like it was a touch screen.

"There's loads of free tokens here," said Ned as he started at the "pond." He clicked a button called "claim all." There were thousands of leo tokens, weedcash, hive, swap.doge, swap.btc, swap.wax, foodie, pizza, creativecoins and all kinds of #Hive-engine tokens! "If I can manage to bring us back alive, we will literally be millionaires," said Ned smiling an evil grin.

"There's something I need to tell you," Ned said.

His face turned from a smile to a frown.

"This place is largely based on the collective brainpower of the people inhabiting it". "Like a Hivemind," Said Beard. "Exactly. But I've been here a lot longer than you. When I was younger I played a lot of Dragon Warrior. The NES version."

Ned was looking at the ground in a guilty way. "There are a lot of monsters here Beard." Ned sighed. "You might as well kill your first level 1 slime now. Otherwise you might die." Beard looked very scared. "What happens if you die here?" Ned looked up. "I'm not sure. I've never died."

Beard looked sick. "I am going to have to kill a creature?" Ned grabbed Beard around his coat. "Listen to me. It's a fucking DOGE eat DOGE world out here. I don't want to hear this boo hoo shit." He spit on the ground.

"Now put your hand into the pond."

Beard reached his hand into the green water and pulled out a beautiful silver double edged axe. It was small but big enough that you needed two hands to hold it. Beard looked over at @Ned, who had on a belt with a long sword. He had on stunning armor of pure gold.

"Okay we are going into the forest now. Stay behind me because you have no armor. When the slime monster is almost dead, come forward and strike the monster before it can attack you. If you see any other monsters run back to this meadow. If you take any damage before your first kill, you might die. So don't be a hero okay genius?" Ned raised up a shield on his left arm that seemed to appear out of nowhere. He walked into the woods.

Beard walked behind Ned for what seemed like an hour.

Ned never turned around or even said a word. After a few minutes he started whistling Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley. The sun was shining and the birds were chirping and flying low. It was a beautiful day. Beard couldn't believe they were heading into battle. He suddenly felt weird holding his double axe.

"You know @ned ... I love shooting guns at the local range ... but I've never had a sword fight in my entire life. I have no idea what I'm doing."

Ned sighed and stopped walking.

"First I will strike. After the slime monster attacks my shield; I will step aside. Run forward and swing the axe like a baseball bat. If you hit the slime monster at all you will kill it and reach level 1. The slime monster looks cute, but remember it WILL kill you if you hesitate."

Beard though for a while.

"What if these monsters are real and this isn't a simulation?"

"What if you are real and the monster kills you," said Ned.

It appeared that experience points worked exactly the way video game creators always thought they would, thought beardflex. How weird is that?

Suddenly, a slime appeared, and it was indeed cute. @ned tensed up, Prepare yourself, he said!

Suddenly, more slimes appeared. Their weird smiling faces turned creepy as the all hopped toward ned!!

BeardFlex didn't know what to do? Is this even real? Am I even real?

"Stay behind me!" Yelled Ned.

He put his giant shield up. "If you stay behind me they aren't allowed to attack you. The game is position based."

What seemed like hundreds of blue slime creatures jumped one after another at @Ned's shield. A health meter popped up above Ned. It quickly started dropping from 100%. All of a sudden, in a flash of light, Ned's Long Sword swung forward. With a single slash around 10 slime monsters bled out blue goo and then vanished.

Ned took another slash from the left this time. His Health was already down to 73%.

Ned put his shield up and held his sword sideways without swinging it. "What are you doing!' Screamed Beard with concern.

All of a sudden the sword started vibrating and turning blue. "I was saving this powerup for a Dragon. You owe me big time Beard."

Ned moved his shield and suddenly his sword swung through the air. A giant blue beam swung through the mass of Slime creatures. They screamed and shot out blue blood and then disappeared.

All of a sudden, a giant green spider jumped forward and attacked Ned! His health meter dropped to 56%. "Shit!" cursed Ned. "This monster has long range attacks!"

A big parachute sized web suddenly shot out and pinned Beard to the ground. His head slammed straight into the dirt. He was dizzy and confused. He thought the battle was a bit of a simulation. Now he realized how real this world is. He felt like he was going to pass out. He looked up above his head and saw a faint health meter.

The number read 23%. He couldn't move. The spider jumped forward.

All of a sudden Ned slashed his long sword forward. The spider let out a blood curdling scream and then disappeared.

"We need to get the fuck out of here," said Ned.

He grabbed Beard and pulled him too his feed. "Can you walk?" said Ned. "Yes, said Beard, dusting off his jacket. "Good," said Ned. "We need to get some health".

They took a small path through the trees that headed downhill.

They found some damaged looking apple trees on the side of a hill above a small river. "You better eat these, said Ned. They are only worth +1 health but you might need it." He handed Beard a handful of apples. He took a bite and then spit it out. "This tastes awful" A worm crawled out of the half eaten fruit.

Ned clicked his fingers and several fishing poles and a large net appeared.

"We need to go fishing," said Ned.

Down at the edge of the river, Ned cast a large net into the water. "Here, take this fishing pole."

They sat there for what seemed like hours. "Monsters can't come down here," said Ned. He gestured to the hillside. "They can't walk down such a steep slope."

Ned was sitting cross legged in the sand. Beard was leaning against a large willow tree. He closed his eyes. I could get used to this no monster area Beard thought. He started to fall asleep.

"I caught one!" Yelled Ned.

He held up his line with a fresh salmon flopping around.

Beard and Ned stacked a bunch of dead Willow Tree branches into the sand. "I was saving this spell for an emergency like this. Fire spells are super expensive."

Ned took a small bottle out of his jacket and opened the top. He dropped some red liquid into the wood pile and it erupted into flames.

The sun was starting to set as the fire burned. Ned dragged in the large net that was in the river. They were in an inlet from the river with still water like a lake. When Ned pulled in the net, there were several large king crabs in the net. "Wow," said Ned. "These crabs are worth +15 health each!"

"We need to take cover soon," said Ned. "There are wolves around the forest at night.' He was ripping out crab meat with his fingers and eating it.

"There is a town very close to here," explained Ned. "You could die if we hit another long range attack monster, but we are going to have to risk it.

Ned led them up river to an area where they could jump across the water. Then they walked up a steep hill for several minutes. At the top of the hill, they could see a few large wooden and brick buildings down below.

"Welcome to !BEER town," exclaimed Ned.

Down at the bottom of the hill, they could see a large wooden fence that was very sturdy and well built. There were pieces of razor sharp metal at the top of the fence that looked impossible to climb.

I almost forgot, said @ned reaching into his pocket. He handed @thebeardflex 20 gold coins. That's 10 coins to pay the toll and 10 coins to come back if we get separated. Always meet me here if something happens and we get separated.

Ned knocked on the wooden wall and a slit of wood slid back quickly.

"Fare!" Shouted a man wearing a metal helmet with the flap down.
🤠🍺🍺🍺
Back at the bar, Ned had bought a few beers.

"I have no idea if they are real, or NPCS," whispered Ned looking around.

"All I know is no one here has heard of the BEEpower Infinity Board except you."

Ned took a long gulp from a pint of dark beer. "The 10 coin fee keeps monsters out of Beer town." Ned smiled. He had foam all over his mustache. "I love it here." He said.

Ned took a large golden key from his pocket. "I have the key to an armory here," He said in a bragging tone. "I have done a lot of side quests waiting for someone like you." Ned yawned. "We are going to buy you some nice armor and weapons in case we get ambushed again."

"We need to get to the Inn," said Ned standing up. He was slurring his voice. "There a curfew fine if we are on the sidewalk at night. Get up Bread ... I mean Beard."

Ned pushed open the Tavern doors and stumbled out.

Inside the tavern room were 2 beds.

Ned lit a candle in a glass wall mount. "There isn't exactly any televisions here," Ned said gesturing around. He fell onto his bed and wrapped himself with his sheets clumsily. "We might as well just go asleep."

"Wait a minute," said Beard angrily.

"Do you have some type of plan to get out of here?"

Ned sat up in his bed. "I have an idea ... listen." Ned held his head with his eyes closed tight like he was suffering from a horrible headache. "If this is some type of old rpg game world we are living in ... there has to be some type of overall map and direction. Most likely ... here's the thing ... there is probably more of the game if we keep heading North."

Beard sat down on the edge of Ned's bed. "So what is the problem here?"

"There is a vast networks of forests of we keep heading North. There are rumours ... If you head far enough North the land starts to slope upwards into foothills and then stone mountains. If you head into the caves and through a ..." Ned paused. "Dragons lair, you can find your way to a large city 50 times the size of Beer Town."

All of a sudden, very loud bells started to ring out in the night air.

Ned rolled off his bed in fright. "Shit!" he cursed.

"What the hell is going on?!" Beard looked around confused. They could hear the sound of other people in the Inn opening doors and running down the hall.

"We are being raided," said Ned in a frightened tone.

Ned opened the door. "No time to explain," he said. They rushed down the hall and when they reached the end there was this small service door that NED quickly unlocked with his golden key. They walked down a frighteningly small staircase and then they were out in a yard in front of two different houses.

"That house is the secret armory," Ned said pointing to the left house.

Once they were inside there were no people in front of the store area. There were shields, swords and helmets hung up for sale but ... no people at the counter.

"I'm not sure if we should steal this stuff," said Ned thinking out loud. "Stealing is punishable by death."

"I'm not so sure we have a choice if we want out of this place," said Beard already putting on ultra expensive/rare gold armor and helmet onto his body. "Didn't you say something about us fighting a dragon?"

Beard dropped his axe onto the ground and picked up a very fancy looking sword with large glowing gems of different colors. "Don't mind if I do," he said to himself with a smile.

"A magic sword," said Ned. "Very nice choice!

"You can do some nice mid range attacks with that weapon."