Standstill

I tend to do this thing which probably drives a lot of my procrastination but I don't see it as being procrastination in itself.

Basically, I take stock of everything I ought to do, eventually, not right now but at some point. For example tomorrow I need to continue trying to fix the print, aside from that this caused a backlog so I also consider the backlog.

And so on and so forth.

Then my brain is like oh sheet I am so busy and doing this and that and thinking about all the stuffs, I must be like an Einstein or something. Time to rest.

So I end up doing nothing in particular because if I am so busy then why would I want to make myself even busier.

Evenings pass, days, weeks and then before I know it I didn't do the stuff I supposedly had to and was excessively thinking over and I also did not do anything of what I wanted to and would have been productive.

Alas I reach a standstill. I sleep more, I ponder more then I die.

Ok unfortunately I do not die but you get the point.

Maybe it is a way of looking busy, which is inline with the old saying "You only cheat yourself"

So if I think of it in those terms then it becomes reasonable to just discount any future concerns and focus on what of value can I do right now. It is not like I am doing anything about the future stuff in that moment and personally I do not even think they are of importance to me, if anything I have to do things 90% of the time to get rid of other people.

So it is very damaging for me to allow those things to have any affect on me aside from the time it takes to finish the absolutely mediocre and mindless task at hand when at hand.

I have to actively train my mind to think of right now things to solve and not to try to solve echos in the void.

All those things it tends to waste energy on will fade but like social media they can seem eternal instead of ephemeral.