Waffle House - Not the Best, But Comforting

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There is an ethereal glow emanating from the bright yellow luminescent sign outside every Waffle House in the south and it beckons to the souls of the wayward travelers..."Enter my warm embrace, refresh yourself at my griddle....come in and be filled!" If you are not from the south, it is difficult to put into words how comforting local Waffle Houses are, how they serve the masses from the high to the lowly all equally with the most abundant air of mediocrity known to the culinary world, yet we return as often as we can to bathe in the glorious atmosphere of her hot skillets and even hotter cups of coffee.

With the reverence that southerners speak of Waffle House one would automatically assume that this is a place renowned for the highest quality food, right? Not really, lolol, the food is average at best. But it is cooked quickly and the portions are plentiful and the flavor is sufficient. Ah, you think, it must be the excellent service and charming atmosphere, of course? Ummm, yeah not so much that either...lolol....the staff is usually comprised of hard-working folks who are overworked, underpaid and just trying to get through their too-long shift without fighting a prostitute or having a drunk vomit on them. But they are always there when you have no one else and they serve with pride and without prejudice or judgement. So now you're thinking well the amazing and colorful clientele must be the draw to this southern culinary mecca of the witching hour? Well, you'd be wrong about that too...lololol Depending on the day and time you can have everything from violent drunks to power-hungry pimps vying for the last booth in the place and the attention of the one, exhausted waitress. But if people watching is your thing and you have a firm grasp on hand-to-hand combat, then this is you palace at 3am on a Saturday night.

So what is it that keeps this place packed and the favorite of southerners for generations? It is the nostalgia, the availability, and the familiarity of a place you truly "know" and that just as faithfully "knows" you. Knows you at your best and your worst, and still does their best to feed you hot breakfast food and coffee. Although praised for their 24 hour opening and go to place in the wee, bleak hours of the morning, it is also the perfect respite from a gloomy Sunday morning when someone is stuck at work, just as my poor, hungry soul was today.

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Normally, I am an OMAD (one meal a day) kind of guy but on dreary, cold days where the misting rain patters against the windshield like a dental drill bit in an non-anesthetized molar, a guy sometimes just needs a breakfast and the yellow, glowing sign for Waffle House was just too much of a temptation for this poor, roaming sinner and so after passing it time and time again, I succumbed to its advances and pulled into the empty parking lot in sweet, sweet surrender.

I slipped through the front door and found myself reclining into the all-too-familiar embrace of the iconic seating booths and being greeted by the desperately tired staff. I always start each foray at Waffle House with a coffee and I decide what to eat and I allowed the warmth of the liquid euphoria begin to warm my very soul as I perused the menu deciding upon what decadent delights I would devour!

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My eyes suddenly fell upon the masterpiece of their ham and cheese omelet and with glorious rapture I called out to the waiter my fateful desires and added in a flurry of excitement "....with EXTRA CHEESE!" With a wink and a knowing nob he scribbled my request and called out my order to the cook with the precision of a Gunny Sergeant sending coordinates to his troops! Of course no omelet is complete without an offering of breakfast meats to accompany it and today's choice was bacon and sausage patties.

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With my order called in and my growling stomach satisficed that help was on the way I returned my attention to the hot coffee awaiting my gaze with wisps of steam rising like fog on the moor to great me with the enticing aroma of that dark, dark brew. The coffee always makes me feel like "me" again and helps bring order to my ragged, weary thoughts. It calms me and helps me hold on to the fleeting hope that I am sane and normal and good.

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Before I lose the magic of the caffeine spell that has befallen me, my glorious breakfast arrives before me and I fall upon it with the fury and rapture of a pack of wolves on their prey. It will be mine and I will have it!!!!! The buttery elegance of the omelet and the salty bites of diced country ham mixed with the velvet cheese mingles upon my palette as perfectly as a choreographed ballet and for a few moments on this desolate morning surrounded by desperate people I feel satiated and serene. And all is right with our wicked world as we share this peace of partaking food together. We shared a moment in the midst of the rain and it was good.

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All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter,
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
-Tolkien

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