Money: The Art Of Reciprocity (1)
I spent the day following my cousin around the metropolis of Lagos state Nigeria. We went to the bank to see if he could get a loan. He has been trying to inject funds into his business while looking to get an apartment as well.
I already knew the stress of seeking a loan from a commercial bank, the paperwork is crazy, and being someone who doesn't have a salary account, it'll be nearly impossible to get a loan.
I was right, we couldn't get the loan for him, he is a hustler who owns a private food business, but his bank only loans people who work for established organizations.
I was tired and stressed, initially, I wasn't going to follow him, but that's how loyalty works. It's not always comfortable, and that's where the value comes from.
I remembered that this guy took time to help me move my properties to my new apartments, (I was severely ill, but he greatly helped) and deep down, I already know I owe him, and he'll collect even if he didn't ask when the time comes.
We've found it difficult to secure any loan.
Previously his uncle had turned down an opportunity to grant him a loan even when he offered to pay with an interest.
I'd given him a lot of loans in the past. He's that businessman who knows how to pay back, but it was the wrong time, and I'm barely even getting by. He felt betrayed. He had been financially good to a lot of people in the past, and these people couldn't be of help to him when it mattered.
He was beginning to learn the lessons of life. He's 34 and much older than I am, but I have had more financial failures and learned some of the lessons he's currently learning when I was about 25.
Expectation Of Returns
I have rendered financial assistance to someone and returned to them to ask for a smaller favor and they couldn't come true. In the past, I'd feel undone and unappreciated, but I have come to understand that we cannot do things based on reciprocity and that expectations can ruin us.
The expectations of returns or reciprocity are why people choose who they want to help. However, I won't blame anyone who chooses to be selective in who they want to help.
We live in a transactional world
sometimes we want the assurance of a returned gesture before we extend a hand, but this creates a limit to the prospects of how far we can go.
Some wealthy people often prioritize transactional relationships, and I don't think anyone should blame them for this. In life, some people want assurance.
In the world of business, a lot of people are often cashing in on the favors they've done for others in the past to get contracts and business opportunities. It's the same in politics.
One of the reasons why powerful people remain relevant even when they're no longer on top of the ladder is because of the web of connections they have.
So there are people who want to only give favors to people when they're certain of getting it back. However, it's not always going to work like this.
In life, we'd unintentionally meet people, share connections, and be of assistance to them and vice versa. Sometimes people are lucky or unlucky in this aspect of life, and it shouldn't kill the beauty or fulfillment that generally comes with giving.
Interested in some more of my works
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Virtual Bank Apps In Nigeria: An Experience Of Gamification
How To Find The Next "BIG" Meme Coin
Personal Finance: Achieving Intentional "Saving" Goals
Playing The Survival Game: Human Nature In Introspection
"Un-PAYING" The Debt You Owe
Your piece is pregnant with a lot of meaning and information. I think one of the problems a giver usually has, is that not many will understand or believe that they really need help. Some people will be like, " I know Sola, he can't be broke." That actually complicate issues for someone that is known for giving.
Most of the times too, the people will help are not in position to give back, not that they won't want but many aren't buoyant to give.
I have found myself in this similar issues with you friend. When I first came to lagos to get a job. You know, lagos house rent can be crazy compared to other locations. Who bailed me out is someone I haven't done favor for before. So that is how live works attime. Don't be surprised when help comes your friend way from someone less expected.
Yeah, sometimes it's easy to say that we know that people cannot be broke, when they're actually going through terrible situations. I agree that the people we help might not be in the position to give back. Life works in a cycle, and I think if everyone chooses to be good irrespective of whether they're in a good position and whether or not the help they will be reciprocated. It makes life cyclical.
I agree with you. You should always try our best to be of help to people who need it even if it is not money.
I guess your cousin and I have the same vision.
How sad for your uncle that you helped him with his business. 😔😔😔😔
Life is a business and everything that moves is a potential profit.
That includes relationships and even a simple greeting.
I hope you continue to learn from business it's not easy but hey I see the fun in it.
I didn't help my uncle with his business, I and my cousin went to him to loan us some money, but unfortunately he didn't and my cousin is back to looking for where to get another loan.
I hope you get it
I am fighting for one
Jose! This piece is full of insight. I have learned one or two, even though I honestly can say something about reciprocity in giving too. I do tell people there's always a reason to every man's action, yeah. I will always beg my boss for money to pay my school fees then, telling her I will work for all of the money, but she will refuse.
Your principle tells you, there's a need to reciprocate what your cousin did for you.
Life is based on transaction but we shouldn't expect something in return for giving, yeah. Expecting things in return is more killing than poison 'cause men will always shock you.
See, Jose. Life has taught me a lot of lessons but that doesn't affect my giving to people, I know how I deal with everyone. Therefore, I will say It's good to have a principle. Yeah, I have a principle and everyone respects that.
Thanks For sharing, sir Jose.
I guess there are bosses that will not help, just like our uncle refused to help my cousin. I don't usually blame people when they refuse to help. I like to give people the benefit of doubt, because everyone cannot be the same.
Just like you've pointed out. Reciprocity is a very complex thing. I don't think everyone can actually understand how it works, and sometimes I feel it depends on the personal disposition of others to decide whether they want to reciprocate the goodwill of others.
As for me, I hardly expect anything from anyone. However as humans, we're always tilted to hoping that people can think or have the same level of reciprocity with us.
Thanks for your comment. Good evening, how are you today?
Rightly said, I like your principle though.
I am very well, sir. It has really been a stressful day, trying to meet up with clients work. Hope you're good too?
I can't really talk about things, I promise to share the things that are currently keeping me off hive when I become victorious and rid of them.
hmm, I understand. You will, already walking through the path
I have always told people this same thing that we live in a transactional world and life is give and take. Now imagine that you did not follow your cousin to the bank to get the loan even though it was not later successful, he may refer back to the other time he helped you when you were moving into another house. He does not have to say it but we are humans and I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about.
And for the rich people who make things transactional, we cannot blame them, truly. What is even the gain of doing things with someone and you can gain anything from the person?
There's no point...lol
Well yes, you're right. As for my cousin. He's been of help in some certain situations and this is why I try to reciprocate even if it will be uncomfortable for me. And you're also right about life being transactional. People have the right to only do things that can be beneficial to them.
You are right it shouldn't. And I agree with this part;
Expectations has damaged some people to the extent that they sorted suicide as the next option. Just because you did something for someone doesn't mean they'll do too. It is just how the world works.
Yeah, although it's nice getting people to be good to you, especially when you've been equally good to them, but we cannot measure these things based on any expectations and it's just good to be good, whether or not the same people are good to us in return.
It is as simple as that. We shouldn't let our expectations stop us from being good to others because the people we were good to in the past weren't good to us.
It sucks to hear that he couldn't get any loans. I hate to hear that someone who is willing to pay back his loans can't get any. Then again, the entire financial system is all messed up and the entire economy isn't so great right now. I am not surprised to hear that they are being stingy with their loans.
Yeah, banks here are only giving loans to salary earners, and it's difficult for a regular hustler to get a loan even if they want to inject it into a business and are willing to pay back the loan
Finances are rough man, but we keep striving and surviving. Keep up the grind bro.
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It is a fact that in life if we support each other and follow each other's words, now the way you have benefited from your cousin's words and it has become easier for you. If so, a person falls in love with such people.