Life: Understanding, Adjusting, Living & Adapting
The past 14 months have been quite challenging for me. There were times I majorly capitulated with indecisions. It was like being speared by a thousand spikes, flying through the skies.
Generally, I've never been a pacy person, maybe it's my physical nature translating into my psychological state of mind. I tend to stutter while others are making haste, and I tend to procrastinate when others are getting things done.
I like to evaluate when others just want to get things done. Taking the "slow-pace" approach has come with its consequences
When life has mostly required speedy decision-making, I've been caught napping, trying to think too much of the first approach without realizing that time wasn't in my back pocket.
Having to make quick or instant life-or-death decisions haven't been my thing, I prefer going slow, taking my time, and weighing my options, because of this, I've lost a lot.
However, I know that loss is inevitable
even if the impact can vary. Losing indeed lays one back. It puts one in an uncomfortable position where they have to fight to regain everything. Sometimes, I feel myself swimming in these loopholes.
For example, we celebrate the wins we have gotten through hard work then lose it due to unfair circumstances, then get back into the mix, fighting to recover or acquire those wins again.
We're always fighting to make our positions comfortable, whether we're winning or losing. In fact, we are naturally wired to lose everything we're dying to have, but we still fight.
Some people are biologically set on losing positions. Nevertheless, in whatever positions we find ourselves in, we tend to fight, even if the outcome might be uncertain. That's who we are in life; irrespective of how we're built. Life doesn't recognize our previous trauma, weakness, strength, or level of preparedness.
Finding Common Grounds
If we cannot adjust, and find common grounds to keep going, then we'd be lost. People tend to grow or adjust to the reality they've been given. However, Adjustability might seem simple, on the surface, but one of the most difficult things about it (adjustability) is accepting life as it comes.
Seeing your reality as something that may never go away no matter how uncomfortable it might seem. I have a habit of creating my own conundrum, a place where I can mentally fillate all my issues.
Separate the problems I can solve with the ones I can only manage. Sometimes it feels like I might crumble under that impact, and the moment when I feel it's over, I see myself coming out, ragged and torn. Smiling again like nothing has happened.
Why?
The reason for this is that people are going through difficult times of their own and sometimes being the protagonist in one's story might make one overestimate what they're going through while downplaying the issues of others in the process.
We're built to be unique
no one can truly understand the pain of another person, no matter how similar it seems.
Nevertheless, we live in a world where other people are quick to think they understand the problems of others, they try to put themselves in that frame of mind without actually going through the physical pain process.
The Height Of Pain & Pleasure
So because of this flaw in human understanding, telling people your issues will only raise awareness, and 90% of the time, this awareness changes nothing. We live in a world where people are berated for hurting because of things that are classified as "mundane".
One of the weirdest things about the way we're built is that we're made to experience the height of pain and pleasure. When these senses are activated, our responses or reactions are generally unpredictable.
There are experiences that people go through, they literally forget that life's worth living and wish they were dead. I used to laugh at people who think life's too sweet for them to commit suicide, but that's the thing.
Our experiences limit our understanding.
The things we have seen are often used as prerequisites to judge the things we don't know. Sometimes people live too much in their world, never stepping out of that cocoon to experience what life truly is. There's no similar definition to what life truly is.
Some people have known only pain all their lives. Their definition of reality might seem negative, and even negatively perceived by others, nevertheless, we cannot truly know people, their experiences, and their pain, unless we "become" them.
Figuratively walking in the shoes of others is not enough to understand them. So because it's difficult to get others in the superlative frame of mind to understand our state, life will always function in a judgemental manner.
So, it's important to individually find your place of solace
We can never cope the same way. For example, I find it hard to accept that there are things I could do to improve my state of living that I wouldn't be able to do.
However, I have found a plausible way to accept my incapacitations. It's not completely airtight, but it works. I feel I don't need to fulfill all of life's prerequisites.
I have come to accept life as it seems, adjust myself to some certain believability, understand that I cannot please everyone, attach a certain spirituality to my existence, and do my best to live well and right.
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An excellently written and thought out piece of writing my friend. It's an oft quoted cliche about things that don't kill us make us stronger but I like to change 'stronger' to 'give us better understanding' which in turn equips us to make more informed decisions.
What I can say for sure is that as we age, we get better at dealing with the stresses of life that continue to throw themselves at us...and you are still a young fella. Memories will last a lifetime, but the pain of difficult experiences does gently subside over time.
Be kind to yourself and have the best weekend you can :-)
Thank you, sometimes I let my thoughts runs wild and at the end of the day, it becomes a full-blown post there, but I'm glad it didn't get out of hand.
You're right, things that don't kill us, give us better understanding. That are things I know and fear that have shown or revealed to me a different aspect of life and reality. Sometimes these knowledges is like a blessing and a curse at the same time.
True, the pain of the last 14 months have keep me in limbo, but I have the feeling that life subsides, we feel different experience with the passage of time.
Thanks you for coming through. Happy weekend.
Thank you too my friend. Take your own time to heal. There are no rules :-)
I will, always a pleasure having you around, have a blessed weekend.
What an amazing write up I believe that will the not came this world to satisfy other or please people just to enjoy yourself my dear
Recently, I’ve come to appreciate the “experience is the best teacher” I’ve heard so many time. There are many things that until you experience, you just can’t relate to no matter how open-minded you are. I’ve seen people wallow over things and thought to myself “can never be me” and later found myself in similar predicaments. As for suicide, I hope that no one has to face something tough enough to shake their resolve and put it in their frame of thought.
Hahaha I use to have that "it can never be me" mentality. But I realize, we're like plastic, we all have a melting point, depending on the degree of conflagration. We cannot exactly wear the shoe of other people. It's practically impossible to do so. We can only imagine what people are going through, we can never truly know.
Exactly. Some people just have this very wrong mindset that because they know about your situation, they can relate to it. Lol I used to make fun of my roomate about 3 years ago of a situation he got himself into, only to find myself in something similar years later. You bet he didn't spare me either.😂
You have captured a lot of life issues on this post. Many times I ask myself questions like why are we existing? What's our purpose and so on.. they may sound casual, but if you have walked the path of life too well, you would understand that of all the things we are chasing after, at the end nothing really satisfied us.
When I started reading the first line, I thought it was my life story because of how much of my self I have seen there. I often wonder why I am always analysing things while others are busy running and trying to get that same issue done. Like you said, that habit causes loss sometimes... In life adjusting to become better regardless of our weaknesses and failures is what determines success. There's nothing as deadly as being unwilling to improve or adjust for the better.
We are all wired differently, we can never function thesame, our strength, weaknesses and so on varies as well. We can only understand a portion of what others go through. Only a person who wears a shoe knows what he/she feels inside. In this regard, it's very dangerous to depend on someone to proffer solution for what you are going through on the inside. You are the only one that knows what is happening to you and as such the only that can provide solution to yourself. Go for what works for you, provide that comfort for yourself and don't let anyone take it from you.
Life to some person's might be hell from day one till date but it's not a dead end if we can come back tomorrow and throw the dice again.
Life brings both pain and pleasures to our path which is inevitable as we must go through both. When life hits us hard, we have to accept it and adjust. Adjusting is the only way to accept what life has brought to us while progressing and never giving up.
It makes me sad to see people resort to committing suicide because they think they are weak and cannot adjust. There will always be hope but people tend to not understand that.. or they just conclude the negative for themselves.....
Experience is the best teacher. We keep facing different situations in life and we should know that life deals with us differently. The best is learning from those experiences, living our best life and realising that we cannot please everyone.
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One of my favorite quotes is "Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about". Makes you have a little more patience and understanding when dealing with a random stranger. Glad to see you conquering your struggles.
It's true, people are fighting battles that are unique, understood by only them. Sometimes, we can't see it, no matter how hard we claim to understand it.
Thank you, I'm definitely doing that.
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You are a strong man boss and I believe this is just another phase, just keep moving and walking you will surely win
Surely. I believe it's another phase in life that is inevitable and also going to pass. Thanks for the kind words big man.
a person can also reconcile and resign. And stay broken. The cemetery is always the place where the most wasted dreams and hopes are
My life is going hard nowadays because I have done some damage in life and I don't understand how it will be fulfilled, because of which I am not worried much, but I will say here that life always gives us lessons, if we learn from it, then in the coming life we will definitely succeed. Don't worry and try to live life well.
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Nice piece☺️
Adaptability is one thing that people fail to realize as something that takes time and doesn’t just happen.
There was a time when I used to say that no matter what some people are facing, committing suicide is not the best solution which is right but if truly I saw what some people have been facing since when they were small, I'd have realized how strong they were.
I'm not blaming people who commit suicide but the truth is that it is not the solution. No matter how rich you are, you will surely feel pain in one way or the other.
Life is bittersweet and I just hope that we do not experience sadness that is beyond us...
This is the highest favour one can do for him/herself, we just have to accept life as it comes, make the most of what we can out of it.