Something more… original?

19 days ago

I had wanted to look at you with so much hate,
Just to let you know how the anger inside me boils like lava,
I so much wanted you to see for yourself, the pains you've caused,
All I wanted was for you to just breathe the suffocating air that filled my lung,
But with my eyes up, I am surely lost of words.

Pain, I know how destructive it can be,
I have lived the life filled with it until you came forward,
You came when I least expected a savior, and you did something to my heart.
Something bad, yet filled with sweetness that I kept yearning for.
The more I yearned, the more the beauty showed,
But I knew... I knew that the yearning wasn't for me.

Weeks become months until each year rolled by,
Still there I stood looking at a pile of work on my feet,
Even after working day and night with no moment to spare.
I wanted it... I wanted to feel the guilt. I allowed the sorrow in.
I know that I don't deserve any sort of happiness because I am the devil's spawn.

Though a small part of me was desperate to feel something more,
Something more original and true. Something real that isn't made from guilt.
And then the yearning came forth again, and it was then it was clear to me.
That you never left. You have been there with me, but I have been so blind to see you.

Walking straight to the mirror, I look closely at my reflection,
With hair, a bird nest, lips swollen, and eyes bag that lies in display,
I knew what I looked like. A shell of my happy self.
Or more like an abandoned vampire.
But when I looked deeper into the mirror, I saw a little glow. I saw it and I liked it.

Suddenly, a smile graced my lips, and I saw a hand stretch out from the mirror to me,
"It is not your fault. You have to forgive and let go. Live an amazing life." The voice said to me.
The voice was soothing that I felt something melt inside of me.
Like a phoenix, I felt reborn, and I knew deeply that this was the true way for me to live.

_Image-Source

Still yours truly,
Balikis.

Thanks for reading.

Peace be unto those who crave it and more to those who chase it away.

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