The Comedy Rumble: Palm wine turned kerosene to fuel and caused a death-waking fart

Pexel

The palm wine we drink, some people can drink it and remain wise; others lose all their senses.

African proverb

🤣🤣🤣
It is no news in this community about how smart I am. In case you are just tuning In, well I am Balikis the smart girl with lots of superpowers.

Oh, you don't know about that too?.. Well read my entry here and confirm that. here

I did mention I have great superpowers and another one is the power of invincibility. Durrhhh I didn't ask you not to have any😝😝.

We all know how the family had wanted to check up on my mental state on my article here

Well, my great power of invincibility made their efforts to get me tested proved abortive so to calm their nerves and not lose their sanity, I became Invincible to them. Not that I minded though, I had palm wine as my best advisor so I took it at my uncle's wedding which was done at my father's place because he grew up there.

On this fateful day, dearest readers, you won't believe what happened but alas! It did happen...

grrrhhh shrrrhhh.

Oh my!😱😱😱
I am not being dramatic but my act of invincibility put me in trouble. I was with a friend that day whose name is Doris and her father sells palm wine and he bought kegsss(i added the ss to clarify how many they were) that day, it was a fresh palm wine to be precise.

I drank a lot that day and took from every keg and you know what? No one saw me ... You see, the power of invincibility!!.

I know every corner of the house so I kept some there and I and my friend drank it all.

It was late at night and still, I was holding a cup of palm wine with my dearest friend Doris when my cousin called me. Oh, that buffalo who bought this cruel omen on my path, she asked me to get kerosene, or was it fuel? I didn't know. All I know was I found myself at the fuel station along with my friend, then she suggested we use the change to get Tom Tom from the woman that sells kerosene.

Pexel

On our way to the woman's place, something happened, it rained that day and the day before so everywhere was muddy and I fell face flat on the floor while walking(not staggering as you thought). Don't look at me like that, I didn't stagger, the floor just hates me!. My friend saved me from sinking though and we continued our journey.

It was already late at night and the woman had closed. I knocked on the gate because her shop was close to her house and then I put down the fuel telling my friend.

"You know this woman's kiosk looks like a bunk bed, I bet I can get to the top".
So I struggled to get to the top with my mud body and when I finally got to the top, oh such a lovely breeze blew over and then I decided to check if the plank used was soft and right there I dozed off.

To cut the long story short, I woke up to a wipe on the butt, I do not know why people find fun in beating me there, it's not even big.😭😭😭

The woman recognized me and decided to take me home, a cruel woman, people laughed at me because I was covered in mud and I stink. Those guys who always call on me and I ignore them laughed the most, such an embarrassing moment. I felt like sinking for real😭😭.

Fast forward to when we got home, we met my Papa in the sitting room and he told the woman.

"None of my children are as dark as this, please check the next compound".

Haa me?😭😭 not his child, was I that invincible I quietly asked myself, the woman was confused and was about to talk when my Ma and cousin ran out telling my dad they couldn't find me.

Then I spoke or tried to, if not that they all covered their nose, and my cousin busted out into fits of laughter in the presence of my family and my uncle's wife's family. I stood with a black red face and there I did the unspeakable to get back at them.

I farted🤣🤣🤣 a nice warm one and the smell, oh my, the smell could wake up a dead man and make him give me a strong knock on the head or even wipe me, after that, I ran..very fast.

I never told you, but you know the guy that acted in the movie Flash, I taught him how to run, please don't tell anyone.
Moving to the next person and repeating the same dialogue.
Moving on to the next 100 people and saying the same thing.😁😁 grinning ear to ear, now my secret is safe.

I ran to my friend's place and she allowed me in and I bathed at her place. Though she was punished by carrying a block while kneeling for sleeping outside. Her dad took me home, much to my dismay and I was given my punishment which included sweeping 4 people's compound for 4 days after intense punishment in the sun. Mind you, the party happened on a Saturday and I went home on Sunday. Monday was school and my school is very far which means I had to wake up very early to sweep people's compounds. That's not what even pained me the most, it was paying my cousin that pained me 😭 not the fact that some people intentionally left their compound dirty.

I paid my cousin for the kerosene, or was it fuel? I don't know, seems like l never took it home, could you believe that? Smh.

Now I call on every superhero to help me unveil who took the fuel years ago because according to my friend, she dragged me home when I decided to check the softness of the plank. She said she took me halfway home and said to me " Go home"(not me but the keg). Then she went to her place only to sleep under the mango tree where her dad found her🤣🤣🤣.

Ps: I already suffered greatly, it is of no use to mock me.

To Mr. Square, @olawalium
this is my palm wine story.😂😂 please be nice. I call on you to write and also @fashtioluwa.

You can also join... at the Comedy-open-mic here... Thanks for reading to the end.

Still yours truly, Balikis(the palm wine-friendly individual with lots of superpowers)

Both pictures were gotten from #Pexel by #shvets-production and #angela-roma

Till when next we meet again.

Peace be unto those who crave it and more to those who chase it away