My way of life…

At times I look back at my way of life in the past and even recently, most times I find it difficult to distinguish the differences in my personality. I didn’t have that much change in who I think I am. I don't know if it was the way I was brought up or just my character. I sometimes find it hard to relate to people.

I remember my roommate, he is so social to the extent that he can have hours of conversations with you even after just meeting you for the first time. I don't know how he does that now, but he is pretty good at relating with people. We were in the same department but through him, I got to know a lot of people and most knew me too.

Many times when our room would be loaded with visitors. At times I would have to vacate the room so they could have peace and let me have mine too. He was social to the extent that no day I would walk with him from our school park to our department and he wouldn’t say hi or even encounter at least 5 people who would take his time discussing when on my end I never even get anyone to greet till I get to have a seat in our department's lecture room. Yeah, that's how antisocial I was.

However, when I was in my junior secondary I was a little playful and had a lot of friends then. But when I got to my senior secondary everything changed and I wasn’t the old playful kid I was then. This has been my way since then. I realized there is nothing to gain from making countless friends where I can't even rely or call upon one and they would stand by me. I reduced my ability to become social and gradually that's how I lost it completely.

Being social comes with its advantages and disadvantages. Same thing to one who is antisocial too. Though I realized it's not a must to mingle with others, it's a choice you have to make.

Recently I made friends with a few people and that’s because I knew that the more I make friends with people the more I would get hurt by them. Humans are surely one of the hardest to control. They are always never satiated. So why should I stress myself out so much on those who don't even care if I exist trying to impress them?

The reason why some people prefer making friends is that they feel it brings a good connection and also creates a circle of friends.

My antisocial ways doest mean I don't know what it means to have people around us. It's just that my level of being social is not really worth having a lot of people run after me or have a lot of contacts and a lot of followers on social media. All I wanted was just free friends who are ready to reciprocate the love and care I have for them. It's not always about how much, but how well.