Humans make mistakes. We are not perfect, we can never be perfect even when we strive so hard to be. It is more scary and dangerous when we make mistakes and don’t even realize them. It is even more scary when we see our mistakes as the right approach or the right path to take. I have been there. Many times, I do this and it isn’t until later that I see the truth. Well, let’s pray that whenever we make mistakes, our eyes and heart will be open to see the truth.
When you say something to someone, your intentions may be pure. You may genuinely want to help them, guide them or simply make a point. But if the way it came out rubbed them the wrong way, then in that moment, they felt judged. When someone calls you a judgy person, it might hurt deeply. It might hurt because in your view, you weren’t trying to be judgy, you just wanted to make a point. You might want to go all defensive. However, in that moment, perception is all that matters. How were your words perceived when you said this thing? How did your words land on the other person? See, you may actually be trying to point out something important, but if what you said rubbed them the wrong way, then in that moment, they experienced it as judgment. That doesn’t make them completely right or you completely wrong, but it does mean perception matters.
Now, about your advice. You said that when people judge you, you can either see it as judgment or see it as them trying to help you. I’m glad you mentioned that not everyone is like you and can ever be like you. This is not how everyone thinks. There is a very thin line between correction and judgement. If you want to pass a point across, correct them, don’t judge them. For example, if you want to advise a smoker to stop smoking, you don’t say “I have never lit a cigarette in my life, why would you even do that?”. Instead, you should correct them in a calm way, that way, there will be no miscommunication.
But when you judge someone, you might want the best for them, but they perceive it wrongly because you failed to use the right approach; correction.
I like the finger analogy you used. If you call me judgemental, you are also judgemental too.” While this is true, I believe it is not the right approach. It is a little defensive. If someone tells you that you are judgy, it means your words landed wrongly and maybe, just maybe you didn’t correct them, you judged. Calling someone judgy for telling you that you are judgy isn’t the right path to take.
Again, there is a thin line between correction and judgement. It is up to us to choose; the former or the latter.
Thank you so much for your beautiful contribution to what I have said. Perception? Yes, we all have different perceptions and that is where we have to always pray we know how to discern between what is true and false.
I have been very defensive when people judged me, even now. Back then, I try to do the same to them too with every opportunity I get but I learnt that it never helped me. People don’t go to school to learn how to always pass their message in a way that will be pleasing to the other person. They most times say it as it comes to their head and that alone can hurt a person which is the problem as you have mentioned.
Thank you so much for pointing out that I was being defensive with the finger analogy. This post was a message to me first before any other person that read it or will read it (I still judge people, remember?). I’m not sure how others learn if they don’t want to be judged but I know of myself. I can’t stop people from saying things from their perceptive the way it is in their head but I know I can take the truth from them and improve on myself when needed even when it hurts so much. I might even show my hurt but what matters is that they have said something that I know makes sense or is even the truth. Something that a lot of persons won’t say because they don’t want to hurt me. Some truth can’t be sugarcoated. No matter how you say it, it is going to be a judgement.
I try to be my first judge, that’s the bottom line of all that I have said. And that is because I know that I will always be judged either in love or hate. That way, when someone else’s words sound judgy to me, it will be more like a reminder and I’m able to see beyond the judgment.
!PIMP !LUV
I guess it boils down to you, Hopey. As we have repeatedly mentioned, you are different and so am I. I think your idea of judgement is different from mine. I’m not sure. You know why it took me so long to respond to this comment? Well, it is because I kept reading it over and over again. I think you are viewing things from a fully positive perspective. Before I continue, maybe I should share my own definition of being judgy with you.
Judging someone means; Seeing someone with tattoos and assuming they are irresponsible or rebellious. Seeing someone who doesn’t go to church and assuming they are unbelievers.
Let me know if this is also your own definition, please.
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