hello @trexane. In The Ink Well we expect our writers to proofread and edit their writing to ensure that their final draft published in the community is a quality piece free of simple errors. Kindly consider using Grammarly or Google Docs to edit your pieces going forward.
Although your story was a positive one and developed over the piece, you shared a story with a well-worn theme. Your conclusion was therefore fairly predictable, and your narrative needs more show than tell to draw us in. I would recommend that you make use of The Ink Well resources to help you to develop your writing. Take a look at the following link which contains many articles that you can use to develop different aspects of your writing.
Catalog of Fiction Writing Tips
Focus on articles covering character development, conflict and resolution, and show and tell. Put what you learn into practice and you will see an uptick in your writing.
Noted. Thank you.