When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi
This is one of those books that just sits heavy in your chest long after you close it. And not because it’s dramatic or trying to emotionally manipulate you but like it's tender and so painfully honest that it almost feels like reading someone’s soul laid bare.
Paul Kalanithi wasn’t just a neurosurgeon or a writer. He was someone who thought deeply about life, death, and everything in between, not from a distance, but from inside the experience. You can feel that duality the entire way through: the doctor who’s always been on the side of saving lives, suddenly forced to live as the patient watching his own fade away. There’s this one part where he talks about how he always thought he'd die in service to others like in the middle of a surgery maybe, or an ER shift. It's funny how sometimes the work you do can consume you and I have had similar thoughts while teaching but it just goes on to show how much being a doctor becomes a part of your life. You live your life in service to others and it's often so hard to have a personal life.
There’s a sort of stillness to the way he writes. It’s clear he knew time was running out, but instead of rushing through thoughts, he slows down, reflects, and you feel every word has weight. The language is never flowery, never self-indulgent, just… honest and precise. I think that’s what made it so powerful... you’re not being told how to feel. You’re simply being invited to witness this very human process of trying to make sense of life while holding death in your hands.
What moved me deeply was the way he continued to think about meaning even as his body was giving out. The way he chose to live even as dying became the most obvious thing. And how much he loved his wife, his baby daughter, his work, words, the act of thinking itself. His daughter doesn’t get to grow up knowing him, but he still left behind something so full of love for her.
And then there’s Lucy’s epilogue Idk, it just kinda came full circle to the feeling of loss and it was just beautifully done.