Opening up...
This weeks Hive post I will be opening up about my battle with mental health. As it is World Mental Health Day (October 10th) I thought this would allow the people here on Hive to get to know me better and know they are following a blogger they can relate to.
I have battled with mental health since I was a kid, after a traumatic event in my childhood, it left me with a lot of questions. Am I good enough? What is wrong with me? As a result of that I have had to deal with anxiety, depression, OCD. Some days it is unbearable, some days being better than others. Then some days I will have the odd good day where I can keep all those feelings at bay.
In January 2020, an event happened that changed my life, and messed with my mental health and still impacts me daily to this day, so many things happened that year with Covid-19 and having to stay home, I felt so lonely, feeling like I didn't have anyone to talk to. I lost a lot of weight and really didn't know who I was.
At this point I decided to suppress the trauma I felt and instead focused on my main interest- the 60s. I would spend all my time listening to The Beatles and when shops started to open up again I would always be in charity shops buying 60s themed clothes. Looking back I looked a state haha! The clothes I picked didn't really look 60s like I thought it did. Honestly, looking back it wasn't my best fashion choice but I was happy in the moment and it was my way of distraction. I still listen to The Beatles to this day and I thank them most for getting me through that period of my life, I love old music!!
I have seen many therapists and sought professional help. Sadly, the mental health system here in the UK is pretty messed up and you have to go through the same thing over and over again in order for professionals to listen. Mad isn't it? Luckily, the society I get to be a teenager in is more open to talk about and more inclusive regarding those suffering poor mental health.
My way of escapism is through music, poetry and I also like to write songs about my personal struggles. I found that listening to K-pop, especially BTS helps me a lot. After knowing who they were for years I decided to delve into the world of BTS and found that their message of 'Love Yourself' became a good message for me to listen to.
Back in March of this year, it was definitely the lowest point I have ever been at, I didn't think I would make it out alive, and thinking about everything I have achieved like completing my GCSEs, going to prom, starting college I just think about how much I would have missed out on.
Plus, recently a lot of good things have happened. I got to see singer Beabadoobee in concert at the weekend and it was probably the best night of my life! I also managed to get a standing ticket to Arctic Monkeys next June! I was so shocked I was even able to get one as I knew so many people were trying to get them as well. So within the bad days, I have also had the joy of experiencing those once in a lifetime opportunities! Doing work here has also made me happier because I can express myself and talk about what I love! Going to college and not having to wear a uniform and being able to dress how I want to has made my days better- though gives me the issue of not knowing what to wear every morning haha!
My main message within this post is if any of you are struggling, to seek help and know that you are never alone. There are so many people like myself who can relate. Mental health is the scariest thing I have ever had to go through and is so unpredictable, it can strike whenever it feels like it. The scariest aspect of mental health to me is the fact of it being invisible- no one can see it.
My blog is a safe space for everyone. Anyone struggling just know you are never alone. Always remember to check on your friends and loved ones! :)
Oh, darling girl, I can relate to this on so many levels!
It's beyond awesome that you sought out help (it too me much longer than it should have), and then took matters even further into your hands by finding your own ways of coping (60s obsession is definitely a cool way to go!). Reading this post, your strength radiated through your words and I'm so glad you shared this here, so those of us who have also struggled/are still struggling can know they're not alone.
Without writing a book of a reply (which I've been known to do 😜) suffice to say that it took a bad bout of postpartum depression for me to be diagnosed also with dysthymia (the one psychiatrist I saw said it sounded like it started in my early teens), generalized anxiety disorder, and mild ocd. I struggled on the chemical merry-go-round for years, then weaned myself off all the pills and struggled in a different way.
It does get better though, as you have shown through what you've shared. Good days follow bad, and connecting with people like you've done here helps as well.
Brightest of blessings to you, and know you can always shout out privately if you ever need an ear. 💜
Those of us with overall stable mental health struggled over the past couple years. I know people with anxiety disorders and the life had it far worse, and I can't really imagine most forms of PTSD. Like chronic health problems, mental health can be in invisible disease until someone has a breakdown. It's also far too easy to dismiss. "Just get over it," is so helpful, right?