The Promise I Keep Rewriting

Dear version of me reading this next July,

While searching through my second phone a few days ago, I found a letter I wrote last year in the PDF section of the phone, though I read it after I wrote it, but I never visited until those couple of days ago when I saw it. I had even forgotten that I wrote a letter, but it was written just a few minutes after I entered the church for the watch night service, right before any activities started. Though there were some distractions here and there. I promised myself that I would register for an advanced professional course exam by June. But June came and left twice now, technically. Nothing has been done.

While I found the PDF on my other phone, I stared at it for a while before reading through what I had written myself, some short words that I used because it was not an official letter, and some personal words known to me to decode, and I felt something closer to being caught than being inspired.

And this is what no one has told me about my future self until recently
It isn't really hope. It is a debt I typed out clearly enough that a version of me, a year removed and slightly more tired, has no room to pretend the promise was indefinite or vague.

So as this year is concerned. I did not type down any letter, and I do not feel I will be writing any. I just want to live on a fact that I won't be able to argue later. So, on this specific date, I have not registered. If you come across this and still haven't, do not reach for the regular overlook concerning network busy schedules or network issues. I have had a year. I will say this plainly to my before I write the next one.

Not only that, but I hope I have kept the promise I made for myself. But what was really the point of this letter was proof and not hope.

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Thank you for reading.

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