I Want a Different Life but I Keep Getting in My Way
Since the first month of this year, I've been singing it to myself that I want to change my life this year. The more I said it, the more I saw all the work that needs to be done for even the smallest change to happen, I began to struggle to start.
To start became hard because I had no clarity on what exactly and how exactly I should go about why I want to change my life. I've had enough of my old life but in all honesty, I am yet to fully show up for the work that will make the change.
I've shared a few of that journey here, trying out new things, being consistent with a few and simply changing the time I wake up to get at least one thing done before I start my day with others. All of that has been pushing me towards change.
But I know deep down that I'm yet to fully show up because what I am aiming at, requires more than just waking up early to read a chapter of a book. Even though that is a lot of difference to what I do before, the change I seek require more.
I want to change the mindset I grew up with, I want to change my financial situation, I want to change my confidence level, I want to change my tendency to be always afraid of something new or strange to what I know... It's a lot to change.
I think I'm procrastinating to start, to fully show up because of the things that would disappear when I do. Admitting it right now is actually hitting hard on me than I can say, I wish I don't have to admit it but had just started showing up.
This is what disappears when I truly show up.
- I'll shift focus from family to myself and my family will feel the change immediately, they may think I've become a rebel to them. But deep down, I know even if that happens, it's only a confirmation that "People want you to love yourself until you actually do". Crazy!
If I want to change my life, I have to focus on what my life needs and doesn't need to change and it's sad to admit, some family beliefs, attitudes and mindset are not in that favour. If I must change theirs, I have to start from changing mine. That mindset disappears when I show up.
- I'll have responsibilities that will take away the times I consider myself lazy and time to do whatever I like, not considering if they would help me grow or not. I am reluctant to show up truly because I think I'll get all too serious that life could get boring while I try to change.
From the little things I've been able to get started, there are some fun in it but the boring days seem more because this is about me breaking from what I'm used to. Fun that won't affect my life positively disappears when I truly show up.
There are more distractions that I may consider little that will disappear when I truly show up for what will change my life. In all of these, I believe it is "Fear" that will disappear when I do and that means, I'll be able to do even more than I can think I can do now. I will show up truly, I have to.
Images used are mine.
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I would recommend to read this book, maybe can give you some tasks that you can do to ease the change of habits.
Also I would suggest to move to a different town. I know it sounds drastic but traveling is the best way to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Doesn't have to be far, or have to be to a big city, sometimes moving to a nearby town will give you the space, tranquility you need to rework on your life.
Another book that has change a lot of what I do and have brought me many financial benefits is the very famous 4-hour workweek.
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Thank you so much, I've had the "Atomic Habits" in my reading list since almost a week now. I'll get started on it once I'm done with the book I'm reading.
I really appreciate the recommendations, will download the second one.
About moving to a different town, do you mean to go live there or just for a visit? I did considered going a short vacation at a different city where a friend lives but that will cost more than I can handle now. So I'm not sure how to make that happen anytime soon.
Different town is basically choosing a different reality. Your environment change completely, not just your neighbors, but your routine, your mornings etc.
This is the quickest way to change every aspect of your life.
And no, not like 2 weeks, although even that changes you. But I mean 3 to 6 months.
Maybe next time you want to move to the other side of the country or even abroad. But things will dramatically change for you. Of course no matter how much you move, in the end you will still be you and whatever virtue or defect you have, you might carry it with you.
One time Kanye said, a bottle of water is worth 0.86 cents at the super market, 1.25 at the mini market, 2.00 at the restaurant and almost 5 dollars at the airport or club. Your worth might change dramatically depending where you are at.
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