I want to talk about mindfulness in regards to romantic relationships. Although, I’m not in one right now but if I were to start one, I think one of the most important subject of discussion would be The Five Love Languages.

Physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and acts of service; these are the five ways people express and receive love.

We all have ways we desire to be loved and how we show love to others, but I don’t think people pay enough attention to how their partner wants to be loved. And often time, this is where misunderstanding or miscommunication begins.

Take me, for instance. My primary love language is words of affirmation. I adore words so much so that a handwritten note, a sweet good morning text, or a simple “You’ll do great, I believe in you” message before I take on something important can make my entire day. It makes me feel genuinely loved. Naturally, if I were to express love, I’d do the same for my partner, send thoughtful messages, remind him how amazing he is, and constantly reassure him with words.

Image is mine

But here’s the thing, if his primary love language isn’t words of affirmation, those beautifully crafted words may not hold the same weight for him as they do for me. He’d appreciate them, sure, but they might not hit him right in the feels the way they do for me. Why? Because that’s not how he best receives love.

And this is why understanding love languages is so important.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe all the five love languages should be practiced in relationships but as individuals, out of the 5 love languages, we are bound to have two primary ones that tug at our heartstrings way more than the others. Think of love languages like actual languages: if someone speaks to me in a dialect I barely understand, I might catch a few words, but I won’t grasp the full message the way I would if they spoke in my mother tongue. That’s exactly how I think love languages work.

For example, because words of affirmation is my primary love language, I’d pick a heartfelt note from my partner over any other gesture. Imagine being at work and receiving a text that says, “I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again, you looked absolutely stunning this morning, and I’m so proud of you.” Instant butterflies! But does this mean I wouldn’t appreciate spending quality time with my partner? Of course not! The love languages can co-exist; they just hold different levels of significance for each person.

Image of my notebook cover

Even in conflict resolution, the way I receive love matters. If my partner and I have a disagreement, I’d prefer a meaningful conversation over a random “let’s stop fighting” gift. While gifts are lovely, a thoughtful discussion is what would truly mend things for me.

And that brings us back to mindfulness. Knowing how I want to be loved is one thing, but being mindful in a relationship means taking the extra step to learn how my partner wants to be loved too. It’s about being intentional, curating thoughtful actions that speak directly to his heart, in a language he understands. I believe love is not just about how we express it but how well we ensure our partner actually receives it.

So when I do get into a relationship, this is one of the biggest ways I’d practice mindfulness.

#minimalism

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