SEEING MYSELF THROUGH A DIFFERENT LENS

I over do things most times. I overthink too. Sometimes I wonder why it’s just hard to accept it that I can’t really change people to be the way I want them to be no matter what I do. Not even the one who created them has the mind to bend them to his will. I wonder why we have different perspectives on different things even when to you the truth is just there or to me I know your perspective is the best way out. I have struggled with a lot of things in life that sometimes I know it is not worth the excuses I tend to give for doing the things I do but I just choose to take the easy way out most of the time.

As a young girl, I was taught at a young age that people leave at some point. And it could be because they are tired of us or when they have found someone else that fills the space we once occupied or it may just be that they had no choice but to leave for themselves. This experience felt like nothing at that time. I was still young so I thought it had nothing on me but growing up, it was all a lie I tell myself just to make me happy and willing to take the next step without making too many excuses. I knew how things were hard for me at some point but I found it hard to blame that experience but deep down, I blamed it.

It even became clearer that I blame that experience when it didn’t just affect me, but also my brother. I don’t know about my sister but I’m sure it also affected her too. I remember I had so much hate in my heart at some point and I had to let go of it and make peace with what happened that day and just believe that everything had happened for my own good. Let go of the pain that comes with not having anyone constantly guiding me and giving me that responsibility to just be responsible all on my own. Well, I didn’t just do it on my own. I was able to learn from others and it helped.

Right now, one thing that I’m struggling to let go of to travel light is self doubt. I have always defeated myself so many times because of the way I tend to think of things. I easily think that since I wasn’t as privileged as some others were, I’m not worth doing things better than I’m doing them right now. I keep thinking that no matter how much I try, this is the best I can do. But I’m seriously working on that because I’m tired of staying in that same old place year after year. Prior to now, I have always shun how highly I think of myself but it has only kept me hidden. I’m going to take the horn and just keep trying to let whatever light I have in me shine so bright and hopefully give people reason to glorify the one that has made me.

I’m not exactly sure how I’ll achieve this but like I said, I’m going to try because I know I’ll travel really light if I’m able to achieve this. And one way I plan to see results is by not being too humble. A lot of people tell me that I’m too humble which I don’t agree with but I think they see something that make them say that about me and I will know if I’m doing better when that comment changes to something else not something bad though.

Thank you for reading through.