That One Little Spot.

As I woke up this morning , I just felt this kinda small empty spot in my heart , it is somehow hard to explain , it is like something used to be there but is not anymore, I can not exactly say what the thing is or when it started , but I know I just feel it , It is just there sitting there quietly , not shouting or anything , but very present.

And even though I feel that space, I am really not in a hurry to fill it at all , I am not looking for something or someone to rush in and make it disappear , nah… I just do not want to be that person who tries to always cover up everything quickly , see true is that some things just need time, you get?.
Some feelings do need room to breathe , You know that kind of feeling that you miss something, but you do not even know what exactly? Yeah….., it is like that, It is not painful, but it is also not light too.

The funny thing is , we do sometimes carry things for so long without even realizing it,then one day maybe a random morning like this , or in the middle of the night it will just shows itself , that small ache , that little off feeling that has been hiding under the surface, yeah ….that kind.

So last night was exactly like that for me ,I just could not sleep , I turned on the bed more than ten times , see my body was tired , but my mind didn’t get it, So what I did, instead of forcing myself to sleep, I just picked up the book I had been reading for days, and also played some soft music the kind that calms your mind, it was nothing loud or too deep and before I knew it,after awhile I had dozed off, sleep came quietly, and for once, I was not even overthinking the whole things.

You see that small moment gave me some peace I did not even know that I needed, It was not anything big, just simple things reading, music, and silence, but it did helped.

Yeah so lately, life has just been feeling a bit somehow heavy, Like everything is moving fast and I am just trying to keep up without breaking down at all, so many thoughts , and so many emotions, and funny enough, I do not really talk about most of it I just carry it inside me, just hoping it will sort itself out ,but this morning, I realized I just do not have to pretend everything is fine all the time you get?.

So yeah.. maybe I don’t have to fix everything right away , Maybe it is just okay to have that little empty space and just leave it there for now , Not every gap needs to be filled immediately, yeah I know some things take time , some parts of us need to heal, to rest, to grow.

So right now ,i just want to stay close to things that matters more to me, you know those things that make me just feel better, not worse at any time, maybe it is reading, writing, music, watching something calming, or even just lying down on my bed and doing nothing I want to keep choosing peace you understand ?, not because I am broken or sad, but because I want to feel whole again, slowly and in a gentle way.

This post? Yeah … It is just me letting things out, no format, no editing , Just me being me, sometimes you just need to write it out and breathe ,Whether anybody reads it or not, it’s fine. At least I have said how I feel.

So yeah… ,maybe this spot in my heart is not something I should fear at all, Maybe it is just something that tells me that I am still healing, still learning, and also still human.

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