Playing the Right Cards

We never really stop learning until the day we stop to exist physically. We don't always know everything or exactly what to do in every situation, and so we make mistakes. Learning from these mistakes and our experiences, as well as those of others, does a lot to help one become better.

If a notorious criminal you know says, "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one—one that would do nobody any harm," you might think he is also the biggest comedian ever. This is an example of how everyone feels justified in their own books. It is why criticism is futile in dealing with people because it always puts a person on the defensive, making them want to justify themselves.

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One time on Hive, there was someone who left spam comments all around on posts that he interacted with. It was an issue, and the conversation about the user came up. For some reason, I felt concerned. I saw for myself that this user wasn't doing well with his interactions and probably pissed a few people off with them. I then wondered to myself how anyone could onboard people over to Hive and not teach them the basics, such as refraining from spamming. And so I dug deep.

What I found was that the user had likely come on to Hive on his own and had nobody to mentor him and guide him to do better. So it made a little more sense to me why he was just like that. He had just come from places on Web2 where such a level of interaction was absolutely normal.

I felt that I could offer some guidance and enlightenment to help him do better. Before that, however, I needed to be certain that it was worth giving it a try by observing his personality and efforts on Hive. What I found when I dug a little further was that he was pretty alright and really needed to be taught to do better.

The user had great posts, put in reasonable efforts in those posts, and had a pretty simple life and a lovely family. I saw that, and so I chose to go ahead to "enlighten him." How to go about it in the most effective way possible became the million-dollar question, however.

I had learned a whole lot from a book by Dale Carnegie about the dos and don'ts in situations like this. For one, I really couldn't expect that he would understand better by berating him and criticising him for how terrible he had been with his interactions. He wouldn't get the point that way, and he would probably defend himself somehow.

And to really communicate with him in a way that we would truly understand the enlightenment and not feel restless or unwelcome here, I had to be more tactful in my approach, as I had learned.

I had to make a positive impact by being friendly and using an approachable demeanor. And a way to do that was to get to know him a little better. So I skimmed through some of his posts at that time to grab a little more information to use. And when I was ready to approach him, I left him this comment on one of his spam comments:

Hello, @username

I'd like to appreciate you. You have been active in Hive since you joined a month ago. You make really good posts, and you take the time to leave comments on the posts of others.

I see you came to Hive on your own. And that makes it awesome that you still do your best to figure your way around. Yet, let me contribute a few things.

You love making friends, even though you're an introvert, and you love working in groups. There are many people here who are interested in your potential but may not want to connect when they don't think you're interested in them.

You're a political scientist. I am sure you can relate. When you leave comments like "Nice post" and "Beautiful post" on the posts of others, they may not see that you actually took your valuable time to find their post, read their content, and leave a comment. They may even feel offended instead.

There are more interesting ways to leave comments that would encourage people to know more about you. They may even come over to your blog to see the well-written posts about you and your very talented and beautiful wife.

Since you're interested in engaging with people, would you be so kind as to go through this article that may explain more?

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR ENGAGEMENT GAME || AN IMPORTANT SKILL FOR EVERY NEWBIE by @starstrings01

I know you're a political scientist and a "king" to your friends, so I have taken the time to explain these to you, knowing that you'll see interacting with people in a new way. That way, you can make more friends, which you do love.

Sunday greetings from Lagos to Akwa-Ibom!

Nobody ever really does this. In fact, to be candid, no one has the time and effort to do it, especially when there are countless people like that, and it would be all too laborious to do every now and then. I knew that, but I was curious to see just how things would pan out and if my effort to show him a better way would actually yield any results. And so I made it a deal with myself to come back and observe the difference in his interactions after that.

I hoped that it would do something, but I lowered my expectations nonetheless. And then I forgot about it for a couple of weeks. When I remembered, a few weeks had passed, and so I went on to check how he had been doing so far.

Firstly, he had even made a post about how he appreciated how I talked with him and made him understand better. And then there was improvement in his interactions ever since. I was impressed, but mostly glad that I hadn't just wasted my time.

I am not implying that I am savvy with interactions with people now, but I know for sure that I know better and that my life has taken a good turn in that regard because of the book by Dale Carnegie that I read, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

"Any fool can criticise—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."

...is one of the many quotes that I love in this book. And it is a reminder of how ineffective criticism, complaints, and condemnation are in interpersonal relationships.

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Today's reflection is inspired by the ongoing initiative by @creativemary.