Hive-Reachout Weekly Prompt 104 ~ It's a lifestyle
Many times I have told myself that I won't give a helping hand to people because I felt that when I needed them they didn't show up but no matter how hard I try to change, I never follow through because it is not me.
Just today, I remembered my late mum, I remembered the many times we either where having our mother-daughter issues or me trying to make her see reasons with me but they were mostly about how she sacrificed for people even at her own detriment, how she was selfless, how she could sacrifice her comfort even for strangers and the annoying part was that she did it for people who never cared, who couldn't inconvenience themselves for her.
When these people hurt her and she comes to me to complain, I get angry with her and try to advise her not to give, but after a few days, she goes back to being friends with this set of persons like nothing happened and even goes back to helping them. At the end of the day, I let her be but angrily.
I hurt because I realized today that all those while I was fighting myself, not my mom, I never knew she kept a chunk of herself, I never knew that I was going to look at myself and see myself and I wept bitterly because I was hurt, but no matter how hurt I am and tell myself, I am never going to be kind to people, I never follow through, I can not help it even to strangers.
I help not because of validation because over time I came to realize that those you help with the hope that someday when you are in need, only a few of them will help, so I help now because I want to help and because I know that I will not feel at rest until I have helped the best way I can. As long as I am aware and it is within my jurisdiction, I help, I feel it is my one way of fulfilling purpose.
I remember someone telling me that "He loves me because I go extra miles for people no matter how inconvenient it feels, I still do it" I felt hurt but I also remember someone also saying "Not everyone would be like you even within your cycle" and it has taught me to reduce my expectations about people and just help and move on since it is something I enjoy doing because we will one day reap what we sow.
This is my entry to Hive-Reachout Weekly Prompt 104>>"What Drives You To Help?"
Image used is mine