A Pet Like No Other

Photo by Lum3n from Pexels

This year, I want a dog. Not just any dog. I want the kind that could fetch me my keys. I want a dog that scratches on my door when I’m too far gone to sleep to remind me that I need to make money. I want a dog that can see the future of meme coins and tell me which to invest in.

I want a dog that could go grocery shopping and sort out lists. I would like a dog that can read basic English. Hmm, speaking of which, can my dog be a translator? I would like a dog that can translate to maybe five languages and better if my dog can write. Or talk!

I would like my dog to have wings. We can just fly out whenever. Or maybe teleportation powers. Let’s go see what Mars is like. If my dog has a laser coming out his arse that would be awesome. I hope my dog likes glasses. It would look good for its portfolio.

Wait. My dog should have a knack for trading. It should be interested in stock options and crypto. My dog should have a blazing track record of making its owners rich, and it should be able to drive. Within one year, my dog should have gotten me a lamborghini and grilled me meat at a barbecue. My dog should have good judgement and discernment. It should also know kung-fu.

My dog should be an Olympic medalist. What sport though? Sprinting is fine. A little bit of basketball, Volleyball, and baseball couldn’t hurt. It should also know how to play at least two instruments. It should also be good at editing videos and it should have a degree in marketing. If my dog has experience working with major marketing companies, that would be awesome.

My dog should be able to tuck my son to bed and sing him a lullaby too. My dog should be able to give my wife a foot massage and make us meals. My dog should know how to clean and do laundry. My dog should be able to mow my lawn and wash toilets.

My dog should be famous and have millions of followers on Tiktok. It should also have a YouTube channel with millions of subscribers. I don’t care for Instagram but it should be recognised on Twitter. My dog should also know how to dance.

So, these are a few of the qualities I want in a dog. If you or someone you know has any dog that fits these descriptions, I would be glad to set up a meeting. I think I was due for a change anyway and in 2025, I want to own a dog.

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