Tomorrow will be our last session in our Introduction to Biblical Counseling class. After the reporter’s presentation, we will conclude with the discussion of the two fruit chapters of Lane and Tripp’s book, How People Change. However, instead of following the order of the chapters, I prefer to share first the content of chapter 14 and afterwards will return and conclude with the 13th chapter.

Chapter 14 is an extended discussion about the fruit and chapter 13 is focused on the kind of heart that produces godly fruit amid heat in life. In this article, I would like to divide the content as follows:

• List of seemingly impossible situations to produce godly fruit

• The story of a powerful public leader and personality betrayed by his own son

• Streams in the desert

• Continuation of the two cross chapters focusing on the fruit

• Concluding story

Source

List of Seemingly Impossible Circumstances

Even Christians are tempted to think that biblical principles are inapplicable to the real life. Lane and Tripp came up with a list of situations in life that seem to make biblical counseling unrealistic in dealing with life’s challenges. The list below is just selected representatives of such difficult situations in life:

• How can you speak softly to a children like mine?

• How can I forgive my wife whenever I see her, the memories of betrayal flooded my mind?

• I over-extended my service to people. Now, they abuse me thinking that I am always available 24/7/365.

• How can I love my wife like Christ’s love for the church when she most of the times, she drives me crazy?

• How can I commit to a local church that takes for granted real problems and failures and only embraces success stories?

The Unfortunate Story of a Powerful Leader

This story is taken from the Bible. To exercise the readers’ imagination, I intentionally refrain mentioning the name of this character, though a cautious reader would instinctively identify the person. We are referring to the historical background of Psalms 3 and 4. Here’s how Lane and Tripp describe the situation of this leader:

A man is a highly respected leader with power and influence over thousands of people. Yet within his own family he is powerless. Something is very wrong with his son. It is not just that his son is rebellious; he is doing all he can to usurp his father’s position. The father comes to the devastating realization that his son has turned many loyal subordinates against him. Then, just when he thinks that things are as bad as they can be, he learns that his son is planning to kill him! He knows that he cannot fight for his position and kill his own son, so he flees his home and goes into hiding. Put yourself in this father’s position. Imagine the depth of his grief and pain. Wouldn’t you expect to find a bitter, angry man recounting all the good things he did for his ungrateful son? Wouldn’t you expect him to question God, especially since he had sought to be faithful to him? Wouldn’t you expect this exiled man to be hopeless, cynical, and unresponsive to the spiritual counsel of others? (p. 184).

Lane and Tripp were describing the sad story of King David with his son, Absalom. The narrative is recorded in 2 Samuel 14-18.

Reading Psalm 4 in particular, you will see that instead of thornbush responses to the heat of life, David is like a tree that produced good fruit. We can see six insightful responses to this particular heat in David’s life:

• Instead of running away, he clings to God as his only hope

• He did not forget who he is, a child of God. His certainty of his identify influences his response to the painful trial in life.

• The heat of life pushed him to examine his heart. Such an attitude is contrary to what many of us do when we face painful experiences in life. We tend to make our difficult situation as an alibi to question the characters of God. “We endlessly rehearse the problem and criticize other people’s roles in it” (p. 185). This tells us that our hearts’ content is exposed in the heat of life. But for David, life’s heat serves as an opportunity to examine his heart before God. Remember that “What we do in times of trial is not forced on us by the situation, but by what we desire in the middle of it (p. 186).

• Worshiping while in pain. We know not a few people withdraw both from personal and public worship when in pain. We don’t see value in it. As a result, our lives descend into a cycle of “doubt, anger, fear, discouragement, envy, bitterness, and cynicism” (ibid.).

• Still committed to minister to his supporters. Even in difficult times, David “is drawn to the struggle of those around him. He serves them in the best way he can: He prays for them, asking God to shine his presence on them so that they too can rest” (ibid.).

• Resting in God’s presence. David was grieving. However, instead of sleepless nights, he “talks about joy and about sleeping in peace!” (ibid.). Why isn’t David overcome with fear, bitterness, anger, and dread? Lane and Tripp’s response is full of insight:

The answer is simple yet profound: because David’s heart is controlled by God. He hasn’t lost the one thing most precious to him. Because the Lord is with him, David knows he is just as secure in that cave as he was in the palace. He can lie down and sleep even while he experiences crushing disappointment (ibid.).

Relating David’s story to the readers, Lane and Tripp asked:

As you read about David, how have you responded? Have you found yourself saying, ‘Come on, this guy just isn’t real’? (ibid.).

The response is perceptive:

Actually, David’s worst choices did not come amid difficulty, but amid the temptation of blessing. When he was in the palace in an unchallenged position of power, he ended up stealing another man’s wife and arranging his murder. David was not a plastic, perfect man. David was a vulnerable sinner, just like us” (pp. 186-187).

Like us, there were times when he remembered who he was and lived out his identity as God’s child. There were other times when he did not” (p. 187).

Streams in the Desert

This next section about streams in the desert is taken from Jesus’ statement in John 7:37—38, encouraging us that by believing in him, “streams of living water” will flow from within. And then the authors used Galatians 5:13—6:10 to elaborate the character of these streams.

Observe that the chapters started “with a warning against self-indulgence” v. 13. This teaches us “that sin causes us to be more committed to ourselves than to anyone else. That is why we compete with one another … for someone’s affection, or for the promotion at work. Sin causes us to be more concerned about our own welfare than anyone else’s. Such self-centeredness destroys relationships and does great harm” (pp. 188-189).

However, the chapters did not stop with self-indulgence, but gave us a picture of a “people who are committed to ministry” (p. 189). Lane and Tripp explain further the nature of this fruit:

Kind people look for ways to do good. Patient and faithful people don’t run away when people mess up. Loving people serve even when sinned against…We should reject any view of the Christian life that says that the change God calls us to is impossible, or only takes place in eternity. We should reject any perspective on the Christian life that minimizes the war that rages in our hearts every day—or ignores the fact that God is fighting it for us and with us! The biblical picture is that God meets us in the trials of life, and he doesn’t just give us rules—he gives us his Son! Because of him, what we are called to do is not unrealistic” (ibid.).

Continuation of Cross Chapters

In chapter 11, the authors identified initially some of the fruit that Christ produced in the life of believers. Here in chapter 14, he elaborated the meaning of personal integrity and added two more.

In the previous article, personal integrity has been described in relation to the role of the community and the emotion. Here, integrity means the absence of fear as we look at ourselves into the mirror of God’s word because the God of forgiveness lives within us. Rationalization, alibis, and blame-shifting have no place. Instead, we can grow in understanding ourselves by how graciously relate to people that God placed in our lives. I find it emotional as I reflect on Lane and Tripp’s explanation about the relationship between personal integrity and the Cross:

There is no scene more filled with emotion than the scene at Calvary. Christ cried out to his Father as he suffered and died. The Cross invites you to cry out to the Father as well. Christ cried to a Father who was silent as he let him die, so that you could cry to a Father who will hear you and give you what you need to live” (p. 190).

Reflecting on the above paragraph, perhaps there are people that in the intensity of their pains, they could relate to what Christ suffered crying to the Father who can do everything, and yet decided to remain silent and failed to intervene when the pain was most severe. In such a time that no explanation is given, that is when we must trust the wisdom of God.

Moreover, Lane and Tripp had a unique perspective describing Christian maturity:

Maturity expresses the right emotion in the right way at the right time. As Christians, we should be the saddest people on earth (because we understand the ravages of sin), and the most joyful people on earth (because we experience the grace of the crucified Christ). (ibid.).

Relationships Shaped by the Cross

Another fruit is evident by the gracious qualities that describe the way we relate to people. Again, I am reminded of the previous article about forgiveness, service, and perseverance. To emphasize the importance of forgiveness in relationships, Lane and Tripp cited The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21— 35.

What calls my attention in this parable is the difference in value of the talent and the denarii. If AI’s data is accurate, we are informed that a talent is worth approximately 20 years of labor while a denarius is equivalent to a daily minimum salary. A hundred denarii then are equivalent to 3 months of labor while ten thousand talents are roughly equivalent to 200,000 years of wages. The distance then is like heaven and earth. Such a debt is impossible to pay in one’s lifetime.

Remember that people are sinners. As such, they will fail you, “sin against you, and they will disappoint you” (p. 191). Remember also that “our anger, irritation, impatience, condemnation, bitterness, and vengeance will never produce good things in their lives (or ours)” (ibid.). And then Lane and Tripp asked:

So, what does it mean practically to let the Cross shape your relationships? (ibid.).

It means entrusting “the person and the offense to God, believing that he is righteous and just” (p. 192).

On the other hand, seeking forgiveness has three parts (ibid.):

• First, seeking forgiveness means coming to someone I have wronged with an attitude of humble honesty.

• Second, seeking forgiveness acknowledges that I have sinned against another person, and I therefore need to ask that person to be part of the forgiveness process as well. (“Please forgive me.”) It is not enough to say you are sorry. When we only do that, we deny people the blessing of actually granting us forgiveness.

• Third, a request for forgiveness always should include a compassionate acknowledgment of the pain my sin caused. (“I am sorry for the pain I caused you.”)

One last painful insight related to forgiveness is the proximity of the relationship.

The Cross enables me to serve others out of a heart of compassion, gentleness, forbearance, kindness, patience, and love. The closer I get to people, the more these attitudes are needed, because that is when I am affected by their weaknesses and sin (and vice versa). The closer we are to one another, the more our hearts are revealed (p. 193).

Words and Actions Shaped by the Cross

This is the last fruit added in the chapter. Among the six items, I find number five the most personal and helpful. It is about the ability to say no. “Jesus did not do everything others wanted him to do (see John 2:3—4; 4:43—54; 6:15, 26—27, 30—40; 7:3—10; 8:48—59; 10:30—39; 11:1 —6, 21—27; 13:8—10; 18:19—24, 33—37)” (p. 193). The Father’s will is His only motivation. This means that “Christian love does not make us slaves to the agenda of others” (ibid.). Perhaps, a time is needed for us to learn when our “allegiance to Christ means that it is loving and right to say no to other people’s requests” (ibid).

Concluding Story

The concluding story is about a wife abandoned by her husband for another woman. She was left both emotionally and financially broken. However, as one of the authors described her, Bettina doesn’t look depressed and bitter.

The two paragraphs below summarized what how the power of Christ worked wonders in Bettina’s life:

Nothing else could explain the character of this woman in the middle of this sad story. God had used the scorching Heat of marital trial not only to expose Bettina’s heart but to transform it. The woman who once got her security from her situation now knew what it meant to rest in the Lord. The woman who once complained at the slightest difficulty now lived with courage and endurance. This woman, once given to bitter gossip, was now a picture of true forgiveness. She had once lived for herself, but now joyfully served others (p. 194).

Bettina summarized it this way: ‘I hope I don’t ever have to go through this again. It has been harder than I ever imagined it would be. There were times when I wondered if God was there, and I worried that I would not make it. Sometimes it seemed impossible to do what God says is right.’ Then she hesitated for a moment and said, ‘But I would go through it all again to get what God has given me. He has so completely changed me, it almost seems like the old Bettina was someone else!’ Bettina was incarnating the truth that God doesn’t simply cool the Heat in our lives, he transforms us in the middle of it. Although some of the Heat of this marital trial would remain in Bettina’s life until she died, she was not wasting away in anger, doubt, bitterness, and envy. By God’s grace she was in the process of personal renewal, producing fundamental changes in the way she responded to life” (ibid.).

Concluding the chapter, the authors challenged the Christian readers:

Bettina’s story is your story. You, too, face difficult trials, tempting blessings, and struggling relationships. But you, too, have been given the gift of Christ, the Redeemer. He is at work, right now, changing your heart and the ways you respond to life (p. ibid.).

Among the five concluding realities the authors enumerated, I could relate to the last one:

Change is not rooted in a body of knowledge, a set of rules, theological outlines, or behavioral techniques. It is the result of your heart’s transformation by the risen Lord (p. 195).

And then they shared a poem, which I find the last two stanzas a good summary of biblical change:

To bring God glory in my daily living is the highest form of worship (ibid.).

Grace and peace!