Off My Back

"Zerah, you're still avoiding me for whatever reason, which you've refused to tell me," Kunle, my colleague, words from yesterday flashed through my mind as I lay in my hotel room that morning.

I had bumped into him waiting for me at the reception on my way back to my room after game night. He had some chocolate bars in his hands.

"I'm not" I replied bluntly without an expression on my face. I was tired and needed rest.

"Peace offering?" he said, offering me the chocolate bars but I rejected it and made for the lift. But Kunle wasn't giving up, he rushed and blocked my path again.

"You know, I thought I bumped into you by mistake. But your actions prove otherwise that you have been waiting for me here. But I'm not surprised because right from the onset, I knew this retreat would be a disaster for me the moment I found out you were tagging along." Again, my words were blunt, and I didn't care if it hurt him. I just needed to get him off my back.

But instead of being angry, he smiled confidently. His dimples were very visible. Oh, how I nearly melted into his arms, but I held myself. I wasn't going to let my weak spot for handsome guys ruin my mission of getting Kunle off my back. For Kunle, the attraction I had for him was heavy at first. I looked forward to seeing him at work every day and wished for a day he would ask me out.

Not until I found out about his secret relationship with our married boss a few months back on. And also of her intentions to sack me because she thought Kunle was losing interest in her because of me. All these happened on the same day Kunle finally asked me out. Then I realized that my supposed attraction to Kunle was just an illusion of what I had wanted.

"I thought this trip would be our fresh start," he continued, stepping closer. He wasn't giving up.

I took a few steps back, "You were probably daydreaming", I replied and walked past him, shoving him off my way.

Deep down, I was a bit sorry for being a little too harsh. But his conversation with Mrs Ayo from that evening at the ladies restroom fueled my motivation to keep up with my newfound attitude, at least till the retreat was over.

I know how many times I had tried to forget their conversation, but every day I see Mrs Ayo step into the office, my mind keeps replaying their conversation from the evening. Just after I had accepted to go on a date with Kunle that evening after work, I went to the bathroom to touch up my makeup for the date.

"Calm down. It's just a harmless colleague outing" Kunle had tried explaining to Mrs Ayo in the restroom that evening.

But Mrs Ayo wasn't having it. "You know the rules, Kunle; if you want to keep seeing me, then avoid other girls. Especially the ones in this office. Especially Zerah or you'll lose your job, same with her. You know what I'm capable of. You belong to me and only me alone" she warned before stomping out of the restroom.

I got up from the bed and walked to the window. Then I pulled the curtains open to let the faint golden morning sun into the room. The view from my hotel room overlooking the resort was breathtaking. The tall palm trees swayed with the breeze and the faint scent of green grass with the birds chirping in the distance. The sun helped to paint the beautiful scenery in a golden hue.

It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend for me but I just couldn't do away with the tension rising within me. To top it all up, It was as if the planners of the retreat had it in their plans to deal with me with the constant pairing of Kunle and I in almost all the activities.

From team-building activities, to partner challenges, to the games on bonfire night. It was literally Kunle and I standing side by side. If I didn't know any better, I would have sworn that Kunle had bribed them to pair us together all the time. But on another thought, I blamed it on the universe having a bad sense of humour.

I checked the time and it was almost 9am and it was a Sunday. I needed to get prepared as the team had plans of being in church.

A few minutes later I was done bathing and we were on our way to church. Although we were a bit late to church than we had planned due to some colleagues not getting ready on time.

I sat a few seats away from Kunle on the bus and made sure not to lock eyes with him as he kept stealing glances at me. We got to church and I also made sure to sit far away from him. In all this, I was careful not to let other colleagues notice I was avoiding him.

But it didn't last for long as Kunle walked up to me after church service as I waited for others by the bus. I tried walking away from him but he held me back, nearly making a scene. I smiled and played along.

"Zerah" he called me by my full name for the first time in the retreat. "I don't know why you're avoiding me. I mean we were good before but all of a sudden you developed this attitude. If I had done something to offend you in any way I'm sorry".

"Okay, it's fine" I replied, just in a bid to get rid of him.

"So does that mean we're good," he asked.

I knew saying yes would mean talking to him as before and setting myself up for a possible sack if Mrs Ayo saw us. It was easier at the retreat because she wasn't able to make it but it won't be easy at work. I knew I had to tell him the truth so he would just back off entirely.

"Do you want to know why I'm avoiding you?" I asked, avoiding his gaze. His cute face always had this spell on me I didn't want to fall for.

"Yes"

"I don't want to lose my job", I said.

"What does that even mean?" There was confusion laced in his voice.

"I overheard your conversation with Mrs Ayo months back at the female restroom. If you want to keep seeing me, then avoid other girls. Especially the ones in this office. Especially Zerah or you'll lose your job, same with her. You know what I'm capable of. You belong to me and only me alone" I repeated to Mrs Ayo word for word. Then I looked at him to see the shock on his face.

"Oh my good heavens, that was why you cancelled the outing that day. You were there, in one of the cubicles. I could have sworn I perceived your perfume"

I nodded. "Yes, I was there. So please let me be. I don't want to lose my job"

Kunle nodded. Then he was silent for a few seconds. "I get it. You're just being careful and I respect that. I'll give you your space. But for clarity's sake, I called it off, with Mrs Ayo. And I never wanted you to get caught in it. I'm sorry." Then he walked away, his head bent in shame.

For the rest of the day, Kunle was quiet. He hadn't joined in any discussions or games. Even on our journey back that evening, he barely let out a word. He was just smiling at the jokes flying around or looking out the window.

I, on the other hand, blamed myself for ruining his day with that revelation. But then the blame turned to a mix of relief and regret.

The truth was, if I needed to secure my peace I had to tell him the truth.

Image Source - Photo by Artem Podrez: